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Why I've Been So Absent

Hey guys,

 

Just wanted to check in here and possibly get some support from this community that I've really missed these past few weeks.

 

I'm so busy and stressed. Everything's happening at once, it's like a snowball effect and I'm quickly spiralling out of control.

 

My father attempted, was hospitalised. I've lost all hope in the psychiatric hospital system, they seem to only make things worse. We're all on edge.

 

I couldn't do uni. I couldn't do my my essays or reports or exams. A month or so later, I've still got an exam weighing over me I need to sit in December. I won't graduate with my friends, and my marks won't allow me to do what I want to do next year. Uni lasts forever, and will leave me with no options afterwards.

 

I'm so busy all the time. Working to keep the house, for my mum, and for myself. No time to study, no time to see my friends, my boyfriend. I know they resent me for it. 

 

I'm so tired.

Re: Why I've Been So Absent

@gezellig I'm sorry to hear this Heart
How are you feeling about your father?

I can only imagine how hard all of this is for you, I'm not quite sure what to say to help you right now, but I wanted to let you know I've read your post and am sending love your way Heart

Have you been able to talk to anyone about any of this?

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: Why I've Been So Absent

Thank you so much @Bee, it means so much that you've taken the time to read and reply to me, I really appreciate it!! I find that especially when I don't even know what to do or feel, I definitely can't expect for others to be able to tell me. So thank you!

 

It's hard to say what I'm feeling about him. Mum's really angry and disappointed. I'm sad because I know what he feels, I understand. I'm scared of being just like him. Things have now gone back to how everything was before all of this happened, and I don't know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. We all wish things were better.

 

I do have a psych that I have been seeing quite regularly these past few weeks which has definitely helped. It's just still so hard to actually get things done, and function properly in real life.

 

Thank you for responding, I can't express how much I appreciate you sending your love <3 <3

Re: Why I've Been So Absent

@gezellig you're very welcome Heart

I think it's pretty normal to be unsure about how you feel about it all right now. When tough things happen it can take our minds a bit to figure out how we feel about it all. It sounds like you're empathetic towards your dad because you might feel similar and could perhaps see what may have led him to make an attempt at his life. But you might also be feeling sad about this because he's your dad. Does that sound right/applicable for you?
What do you mean when you say you're scared of being just like him?

I'm glad to hear you have a psych that you see regularly Heart and I'm glad it's helped Smiley Happy
I think it's pretty normal to find it hard to get things done right now. You've just gone through what I can only assume is a pretty traumatic event, and that all takes time to process and work through. We're here to support you through this Heart

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: Why I've Been So Absent

Hi @gezellig I'm sorry you went through something so emotionally draining! As a child of someone with severe mental health issues, I can definitely empathise with the fear of being just like them. My mother has had a very hard life and I constantly worry that I'm going to go down the same path. I guess all we can really do is to try and learn from what helped and what didn't help them. Do you ever speak to your dad about how he feels and how you feel? 

 

Basically I just wanted to give you some love because you sound very stressed, and understandably so. Wishing you nothing but the best Heart