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friendship

I am having friendship troubles.My one friend says and acts like we are best friends- she expects me to tell her everything, and to be friends with her and only her. People always see me as really positive and nice about everything- and i have been used for this several times. My current friend is treating me a bit like a therapist- she tells me all of her problems, and i am expected to listen through this and be understanding, but if i ever have any opinions she just freezes me out, and spreads rumors about me. She is really clingy- during class (she is in all of my classes), she hugs me and plays with my stuff constantly. I hate making other people feel bad, so i don't say anything. There are some things, however, like more recently, where she tells everyone but me about something, and everyone elsse has conversations about it, but i am not allowed to know. Then, she freezes me out, and constantly makes comments about how 'judgy' i am. If i, however, don't share every aspect of my life with her, she will get 'revenge' in some way. She is friends and quite influential with all of my other firends, and i am scared that if i approach her, i will have no friends left. I have tried to talk to her about it before, but every time she stops talking to me and acts really passive agressive until i somehow convince myself that i have done something wrong and apologise to her. I dont know how to stop myself from doing this. My friend also suffers from OCD and a few other mental health condiitons, so i don't want to be mean and make her feel worse about them. 

I need help... what shoudl i do next...

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Re: friendship

Hi @cats1234 

 

Can I just say as someone with mental health issues, your friend's mental illnesses don't mean she can treat you however she wants.

Doing something she doesn't like isn't the same as being mean to her about her mental illnesses, so long as you're not being horrible. 

But that doesn't sound like something you'd do honestly.

 

You haven't done anything wrong by trying to talk to her about it, that sounds like a good first step.

 

What are your boundaries like with her?

Have you two got any lines that you know not to cross with each other?

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Re: friendship

Hi @cats1234 !

 

HeyFriend.gif

 

I just wanted to check up on you Smiley Happy I hope you are doing alright and have managed to sort things out with these people. From what it sounds like you are a very supportive, trusting, and overall a nice individual, and unfortunately, people like that can be taken advantage of by certain people.

You are great, and don't stop being yourself, but have a real look around at the people you consider as friends and if they continuously talk behind your back, take you for granted, be mean to you, or anything like that which makes you feel bad then consider looking for better people who will treat you right and the same way as you have treated them. If its hard since you are in high school that's understandable, but set boundaries and don't let these people control you and step all over you.

In your situation, it sounds like they are gaslighting you which means they make you question your intentions and make things out to be your fault and not theirs. Don't let these people get to you and keep clear from them.

 

You deserve better and don't forget that.

Hope you figure things out, friend.

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Re: friendship

@cats1234 

Ahh, these friendships can be sticky for sure.

 

Honestly, I think some adult intervention may be useful here so that things can be objective and you getting help isn't seen as a 'power play' or 'attack' on her. Things may be healthier and productive that way. Talk to an adult privately- they may be able to give you space from her if nothing else. Also, remember that this is her issues- it's more than likely got nothing to do with you personally. Please keep us posted if you like- ranting to a group of people not attached to the situation can be helpful too Smiley Happy