labels

[keezeik]

@Libellule thank you If it isn't too personal how exactly did you become less confused? Was it once you had maybe let say kissed a girl and also a guy and you found out you liked both? I feel like having a crush is a little bit different because I've never kissed either sex so I don't really know if I like it or not?

I think sometimes there is always an issue, specifically with females that maybe say it was a 'phase' (I don't agree though because let say said person was in a phase and they had a relationship with someone, they would be almost demeaning the other person if you know what I mean? (as in that wasn't real?? idk....). A side note how were you able to find people like yourself? I don't really want to join a society or anything like that at uni just because I'd feel kind of uncomfortable, and I don't feel like I'd fit in etc).

@N1ghtW1ng Hello, I think also it can be quite fluid as well. Some people just don't feel attracted to anyone or they may feel like they get emotionally attracted only. I don't really like labels just because they put it in a box, which isn't what sexuality is about. I think as you said at the end of the day you are the one who decides what to do with it.

[Libellule]

@keezeik My experience was actually a little complicated. So I had crushes on girls throughout high school but I thought it just meant that I was straight but wasn't afraid to try new things. Then when I was 17 I had sex with a girl and it made me really consider my sexuality. It wasn't until a full year later that I accepted the term bisexual though.

I totally understand your reluctance to join a society. Sometimes they can feel quite intimidating! What I found really helpful was social media, following LGBT+ people on twitter and tumblr and just talking to people! 

There are also some great facebook pages that discuss sexuality. Here is a facebook page for bisexual.org that I actually find helpful. There is also a seperate LGBT Buzzfeed, an RO article about sexuality and a minus18 article about bisexuality and pansexuality. I also found a few of my queer friends on the dating app "Her". Aside for the tinder-like aspect, there is also a community on there with a facebook-like setup. They also often have LGBT+ events that you could attend if you were comfortable. 

I know this is a lot of information so I'm sorry if its all a bit much at once. I think the point I'm trying to get across is that, at least for me, it was a really long process and I still feel like I'm learning about myself and my sexuality. Even if you choose a label for yourself, there is no reason why you can't change it in the future   

[keezeik]

@Libellule, thank you for the links (I had a look at some of them, and I've actually realised that many famous people that I follow happen to also be lgbt somehow (I think though, idk if it's just because of tumblr or similar but most of the shows that I watch have some sort of lgbt aspect e.g schitt's creek, b99 to name a few or that I follow some lgbt celebrities e.g. Keiynan Lonsdale, Lady Gaga, Stephanie Beatriz etc).

Also thank you for sharing with me your experience. I feel like it definitely comes with experience, like I have never been in a relationship with either a guy or girl so it's a bit difficult to find whether I do like kissing both or not. Did you use the dating app 'Her' mainly to make friends or both? How do you find talking to people on tumblr to be? I understand that you got to be careful about who you say you are on the internet but is tumblr generally a safe space?

[Libellule]

Hi @keezeik I’m glad you found the links helpful. I find it really comforting when people like Keiynan come out and talk about their experiences  

I think you’re right about how experience can help. Some people seem to know straight away and that’s great but others need some more exploring and that’s great too!  

I personally started using Her as both a place for dating and friendship. When I started seeing my current boyfriend, I spoke to him and asked if he was comfortable with me continuing to use Her as a place to find friends and that’s what I did for a while. As for tumblr I think it’s a much bigger community with lots of diverse people so I cannot actually say whether I think it’s safe to speak to people on there. Is tumblr something you currently use? Do you think there are ways you can talk about your experiences while staying safe? 

[keezeik]

@Libellule ahh ok yeah that’s a good idea for friendships, has it been successful for you?

I don’t really reveal anything about myself on tumblr tbh just because as you say it’s filled with diverse people and such and also you have to be careful, especially when posting about yourself in a public domain?


I don’t really talk as much about my experiences on tumblr (if I do I normally go on anon just to be safe, but apart from that I’m fairly private).

[Libellule]

@keezeik Yeah I have a couple of friends I met on there  

Sounds like you've taken some great steps to keep yourself safe! And the anon feature can definitely be helpful in situations like these!  

Social media can be really great for getting information and talking to people going through similar situations. Speaking to people face to face can be really nice too. Do you have anyone in your life that you could talk to as well? You mentioned that you told your mum and your brother what you're going through, have you spoken to them about it much? 

[scared01]

hey @keezeik how is everything going?

[keezeik]

hello, all is fine - I've been pretty tired with uni and finding it really hard to concentrate or stay motivated tbh....which sucks, this whole month has been quite stressful for me