I don't know if this should be a new thread or not. I'm starting to really really struggle to cope.
Just moved to 4 hours away. There's boxes everywhere and the house is chaotic.
My husband is stressed and overwhelmed by work issues. I'm second hand stressed about those (it's not my job to fix them, but I'm invested in him so it matters to me too, and also since I work for the same place if they don't get fixed it'll affect me too).
I've just switched to online study and I'm finding it so much harder. On campus it's fine to just show up to all the lectures/ classes, work hard on assignments and submit them on time, and study before exams then show up. Online you've gotta go through all these resources online and post a response to them every week (which might've taken 5+ hours to work through per unit per week). I'm finding it so hard to know what bits to respond to and just feel so overwhelmed by all the information, but if you don't post stuff every week you'll lose marks based on participation.
I've only just moved here and I was so sure I'd try joining clubs etc to get involved in the community but I've got so little time/ brain space and so I just know/ interact with no one but my husband. And I always find it really hard to connect with people (never really got why, turns out I might be autistic though), I'm scared of it happening again if I try.
My KHL counselor's leaving
I've recently realised that apart from 2 exceptions, my engagement with professional help had less positive and more negative impacts on my well being than self-harming used to (which I stopped because I decided the positives didn't outweigh the negatives). That makes me really scared about seeking more professional support, it really doesn't seem good for me.
I'm safe but today things are especially hard and I've just been crying and weighing up whether I should kill myself, despite until now really trying to stay positive and fully take hold of what could be an exciting new opportunity. Now I'm just overwhelmed and scared.
I'm scared I'll never be good/ competent at anything and I'll never add anything good to anyone's life. I'm exhausted trying and knowing it's not enough.
PS sorry that I'm always super unreliable at replying and that that will probably be the case in this thread too
Re: overwhelmed TW
I think it was perfectly okay for you to create a new thread as we try to avoid threads becoming too long or circular. Wow, this move has bought a whole lot of change for you in all areas of your life. That must be very challenging to try and adapt to all these changes. How long since you have moved? I personally find that it can take me a while to settle in after moving.. do you think this might be happening for you?
The fact that you are trying your very best is enough. You are dealing with a lot right now and I think it is normal to be scared and overwhelmed with all of these changes. What is it in particular that you are finding most unhelpful about your professional support? It sucks that you have had this experience and it can take some time to experience the benefits of therapy or to find the right therapist. Are there any other services you have for support, especially given your KHL counsellor is leaving? I also wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts and confirming your safety. What is helpful for you to maintain your safety when you are struggling with all of these thoughts and feelings?
We are here for you and don't ever feel pressured to respond
Re: overwhelmed TW
@hellofriend thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings during this difficult time for you, I know it can be daunting sometimes writing it all down, but I hope it gave you some release!
It's been just over a week since your post and I know you said you're slow with replies, which is totally normal and okay (so am I), but I just wanted and check in and make sure you're okay(?) and ask how things are going for you?
Thinking of you, hope you're well
Re: overwhelmed TW
Thanks guys, I appreciate the support <3
I think things are moving in a positive direction. I've dropped uni for the semester which has made things a lot more manageable. I'm not sure if I'll go back, but it takes the pressure off for now. We've been figuring out work stuff and the house is more set up. I'm probably gonna struggle over the next few weeks because my husband's just left to work somewhere else, so it's my first time living alone in this town where I don't really know anyone, and now I'll be the person in charge of everything here which is a bit daunting. If I can get through it things should be ok though.
Not really linked in with professional help at the moment. I've got another KHL counselor but it didn't really help last time I spoke with her so I don't know if I'll keep trying with it. As for the question about what I find most unhelpful... I think unhelpful is the neutral default of any kind of intervention or response to any issue. To be helpful, it would need to offer something tangible that actively improves a situation or makes it more bearable. Unhelpful is anything that doesn't offer that. Then there's harmful, which offers something tangible that actively makes things worse. I've just not had many experiences with professional help that fits in the helpful category.
Long story short I've been doing better than when I first posted, but I'm worried things might get bad again soon because of new challenges I'm about to encounter. I'll see how it goes I guess :/
Re: overwhelmed TW
@hellofriend Hey! I just read your posts and, wow!! It really does sound like you have alot on your plate. I'm really glad you took the time to reach out though, so thank you for sharing.
I can't imagine what you must be feeling having all of these different challenges coming your way, although it is definitely understandable the weight on your shoulders. It is good that you recognise that you are moving in a positive direction and have taken steps to reduce your workload.
I'm really sorry your KHL counsellor has left I can relate to your pain because my KHL counsellor is currently on leave and I don't know if she will be back. It is awful not knowing and I just started to see a new counsellor and it is definitely different. But they seem nice. I think it is really good that you can identify what is helpful and what isn't. Have you thought about mentioning that to any of your counsellors? What would that be like to do that do you think?
Wow! living on your own sounds tough, especially in a new area! I know being in charge is a big responsibility, although I guess this can be a good thing because you get to decide how things will be, yeah? Have you got anybody you could talk to that might help you with any big decisions and challenges that are coming up for you right now? Would you like to share any?
I saw you mention, "if I can get through it," - by coming here, choosing to reduce your uni load and taking steps to move in a positive direction - these are all steps you are taking to get through this and they are AWESOME! Well done. Have you managed to give yourself a pat on the back for acknowledging that you truly are getting through something tough, and it is perfectly understandable and normal to feel like it is a struggle and that things might get bad again. Often when we are faced with bad things, it is normal to feel like they will keep repeating and start to think that will be the case again. You said things might be a struggle soon, can I ask what things you are a bit worried about? Maybe we can break some of these down?
Stay strong <3 you are a survivor!
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