questioning cutting ties
even after all these weeks im still questioning the strength of the friendships i made over my high school years, doesnt feel worth those friendships were worth it. i feel so lonely and lazy as home, for me moneys not a problem, weak friendships is but idk what to do
i cant tell who values me company who will free up their time so yeah fuck
Comments
I think that is totally normal. As we grow and become new people after highschool, some of those friendships may not serve you anymore or feel like they're growing with you. Everyone's transitioning onto different things, and often you may grow apart or become different people to who you once were. That's not to say that those friendships weren't once worth it - they probably were. But as part of growing and becoming different people over time, connections may fade.. The other aspect of highschool is that now that you're out of it, that constant environment isn't there where you used to hang out during school days.
Would you consider inviting some friends to spend some time with you? This could be a great way to see which friends are still keen to hang out with you and keep that connection going.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Similarly, I remember questioning a lot of the friendships I made in high school following my transition to university. It can be hard to let go given all of the time you've spent together and the difficulty that can come with developing new friendships. A realisation I came to, though, was that the quality of friendships matters more than the quantity. Friends are supposed to be people that uplift and encourage you to be the best version of yourself. As I found that mine were making me feel the opposite, I decided to cut ties. Each situation is completely different, however, and you may find that having a conversation with them about your perspective may change the way they approach their friendship with you.
At the end of the day it's important to surround yourself with people that value and appreciate you! While it initially felt uncomfortable, I pushed myself to start conversations with new people. I joined a few clubs at my university and local community and found that there were a lot of people with interests similar to mine. I'm still friends with many of these people to this day and am grateful for the way they make me feel.
In the meantime, as having this on your mind can take a toll on you, I'm wondering if there are any things you can do to take care of yourself? I remember going on a lot of walks, reading some books, and watching a few of my movies during this time. It can also be helpful to talk this situation through with another person, such as a close family member. However, what works for each person will be unique to them.
Sending hugs and wishing you the very best moving forward! 💛
Hi @yeah_it_tahtperson 🌻
I hear you. I went through a similar experience of questioning my high school friendships, and it was really tough to come to terms with. The reality is that as you change and grow, some friendships may not fit the person you are becoming — and that is completely okay. It does not make those friendships any less meaningful or valuable.
Maybe you could try initiating some hangouts yourself and see who puts in the effort to spend time with you. But as others have mentioned, there is also nothing wrong with branching out and making new friends. It can feel intimidating, but putting yourself out there and meeting new people might help you find friendships that feel more fulfilling. There are so many ways to connect with others, depending on your interests and what you feel comfortable with.
All the best — I hope you find the friendships that make you feel supported and valued (I know you will!)
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely - loneliness can be so unpleasant.
I hear that you are questioning the value of your existing friendships. What makes you feel that those high school friendships might not be worth it?
In my experience it is good to stay on good terms with your existing friendships (unless they are mistreating you/really bringing you down) while trying to branch out and make new friends, rather than cutting off the existing friends. I've ended up reconnecting with old friends after thinking we would never really be close again. Maybe with some time you will end up reconnecting with your high school friends too. 🙂
As for making new friends, I see that @Lily_RO linked a nice post with some tips on making new friends, which has a lot to do with just putting yourself in situations where you can meet new people and then talking to new people and seeing who you might get along with. Remember that it can take time to find the right people, so don't be discouraged if you don't immediately click with anyone new. Have you got any ideas of where you might be able to meet some new people?
💛
I’m sorry to hear that you’re questioning the strength of your high school friendships. It’s never easy to consider that the effort you’ve put into strengthening a relationship isn’t being reciprocated or doesn’t feel as meaningful. It's completely understandable to be feeling lonely, it seems like you're feeling unfulfilled in your current friendships and hoping for something more.
In terms of working out the strength of your friendships, we have a quiz called ‘How healthy is your friendship group’ that might provide some insights. I’m not sure if you’ve seen it before, but I thought I’d share it with you in case it’s helpful.
While you're reflecting on your current relationships, I’m wondering if you have also considered meeting new people who might offer the kind of connection you’re looking for? I know meeting new people can feel daunting, but there are many ways to do it depending on what you’re interested in and comfortable with. We also have some ideas for ways to meet new friends here. Sometimes redirecting your energy from people who aren’t matching your level of commitment and connecting with like-minded people can be a positive and exciting change to your social life!
Take care 😊
