TW: I don't really know
So, I was told to try this place so here goes
I've never really been able to talk to people before. My whole life I've felt like I've had to ride the backseat. I've reached this point where when I'm not super stressed out or angry at something, I just feel numb.
I don't want to feel this way because it brings down the rest of my family, but I can't help it. And I try to be in a better mood, but it doesn't really last.
Plus, I'm back at university now, and I honestly just feel like I'm in a constant state of worry.
I just need things to be easier because right now every small thing feels like it takes so much effort
I don't really sleep, I don't eat meals most days unless it's snacking or my parents get me to sit and eat and I hate being at my job 75% of the time
I have been to counsellors before but I'm not a talker so it never really helped. They just spewed the usual 'try new hobbies, get more sleep, talk to your parents, you're worth it' and I just can't take it seriously
If anyone has some helpful advice, I'm at the point where I'd probably take anything
Thanks in advance
Comments
Hi @Lizzy33, it sounds like it would be an understatement to say things are really tough right now. You have a lot going on and it must be so difficult to feel this way while still going to work and uni. I can imagine it would be really upsetting to feel like you are bringing down the rest of your family. Have you ever talked to them about how you have been feeling? What are they like? I have found this ReachOut article about 'what to do if nothing is working'.. and I am wondering if it might be how you are feeling at the moment? You mentioned that every little thing takes so much effort. Would it be helpful to just focus on a small thing each day? Whether that is getting out of bed, having a nutritious meal, having a shower etc.
Opening up to others can be really hard. I know everyone struggles with this at some point in their life. You don't have to talk to someone until you are ready to. Do you think it would be more helpful for you to use a online counselling service? There are services like Kids Helpline, Lifeline, eHeadspace and Beyond Blue. They all have a telephone service, however some of them also have webchat. Sometimes it can be easier for people to speak online and some of these are anonymous. I know a lot of the community can relate to what you are going through, so I am sure they will leave some support here for you soon 
Just so you know, I also added a TW to the title of your post. Just so the community is aware that there may be triggering content inside this post.
Sorry, I should have added the TW, I've never used something like this before.
I have and they try to be supportive but sometimes I don't even know what's wrong so I don't know what to say and that can be frustrating for them and I don't like to bother them. That's when I decided it was just easier to pretend like it's okay, but with the stress of uni and other stuff I just don't have the energy to do that 24/7
Some days I'm fine, usually when I'm around my family or friends. But when I'm alone my thoughts kind've get the best of me; which is strange, because I usually prefer to be alone
But my family has been through a lot of personal stuff over the years (we've literally all seen counsellors at this point) and I just don't want to put my issues on them
The Beyond Blue chat are the ones who recommended for me to come here
Thank you for your reply
Hi @Lizzy33,
You mentioned that there are times where you pretend to be okay on the outside, when on the inside you might be feeling really numb or stressed. I can imagine that pretending to be okay all the time must be really tiring Do you find you do this more when you are by yourself or more when you are around others?
It makes a lot of sense that if you hold that mask up of I am okay around others, that when you are by yourself all of a sudden things start to feel really hard again or the day catches up to you- this is something a lot of members here have said to us too. I know for me when I first started to feel really anxious, the minute I let my mask down when I was alone and didn't have to put on a brave face for others that my brain decided to run through all the things I pushed down during the day.
It sounds like enjoying your time to yourself was really important to you, but at the moment time with others is easier than time by yourself. When you are around family and friends, what sorts of things do you find helpful? (eg: is it the distraction, the company, things you do together that you enjoy)
I also often find that my thoughts get more intense when I'm alone, despite being an introvert. It's a bit of a contradiction, isn't it? Brains are weird.
Something that helps me is to have one of my favourite TV shows playing in the background, and being around my pets. I know other people like listening to music or podcasts as well. Do you think any of those would help to drown out the thoughts a little?
