Rant about school ig
I've gotten all of my exam results back and most of them are in the 70-75% range. I go to a high-ranking selective high school and I feel like I don't deserve to be in that school. I know that for other school and other students that getting my marks would be great, considering that I am learning an accelerated course. But I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, and I can't help but feel like that I am failing the subject and that I'm not smart enough, even though I got in without any reserves. My Math exam results came out today and I got a 37.5 / 52. To some people that is really good, but in my school, the average was 41.5. My mum keeps telling me that I am part of the lower half of my school because I've managed to 'fail' every math test so far (which means 3-5 marks lower than average). Because of my depression (which my parents are trying to 'help' me with), I have just felt demotivated to go to school, study and just enjoy hobbies I normally would. I'm not sleeping well and I don't want to get out of bed. I feel like the 'stupid' friend in our friend group and that I'm not good enough for my parents. I keep getting annoyed at any mention of my exam results when I am studying and I don't know how to tell my parents because they have been so dismissive in the past. I feel alone and that my school counsellors aren't counsellors, because they don't take you seriously enough. I can't tell my 'friends' because I don't think they would believe me. I don't know what to do and I feel alone. Sorry about my long rant, hope I didn't bother you.
Comments
Hey @_vvexity
That sounds like a lot of pressure to be under. I also went to a selective high school but ended up dropping out at the end of year 11 because my mental health was too bad to complete it. It’s really impressive that you are even able to go to school and to study and do well (even if you don’t consider it doing well). You can only do your best. You aren’t failing by any means and honestly even if you did fail (like me), there are so many different pathways to get where you want to go.
I know the selective school environment can create a very specific idea of success and place a lot of pressure on you. However, in reality, there are an infinite number of ways to be successful. It is up to you to define success for yourself. Grades are just grades; they don’t consider the struggles you’re experiencing and are not an accurate measure of intelligence. Would it be possible to see someone else outside of school? Having the support of your friends is really important. What makes you think your friends won’t believe you?
Hi @_vvexity ,
I want to start by welcoming you to the Youth Community and thanking you for sharing what has been going on for you recently. It can be a challenging thing to do to express these thoughts and feelings and I wanted to commend you on taking this step for your well-being – you should be so proud of yourself 🙂
From what I have read, I can see that the fear of falling behind in school has really been affecting your mental well-being recently and I’m really sorry to hear that, it sounds exhausting. I want you to know that I, as well as the whole community, can see just how gifted you are. It can be a hard thing to go through feeling like you are getting pushed back after working so hard, especially in school. It can be really emotionally and physically draining, as well as managing these feelings towards friends has been really exhausting also.
Having all this weight on your shoulders can be really tiring and reaching out for support when feeling this isn’t an easy thing to do at all. I want you to know that you have shown so much strength and it’s incredible to see you wanting to reach out for that support. I’m wondering if you’ve been able to talk to any friends about how you’ve been feeling lately?
I’m also really sorry to hear that you don’t feel like you can get support from your school counsellor, I’m wondering if you’ve considered seeking outside support from another counsellor?
I want to link two services that you might find helpful, Headspace and Thiswayup which both offer free confidential counselling.
I want you to know that you’re not alone, you’re only human and this much pressure should never be placed on anyone you’ve shown so much strength and I just want to commend you again on this. The whole community is here for you 🙂
Hope to hear from you soon.
Hi @_vvexity ,
It sounds like you are under an enormous amount of pressure from your school, your parents and yourself. From what you've said, it also sounds like you doubting your own worth and abilities as well as coping with a number of mental-health-related issues.
All of this would be understandably frustrating and nerve-wracking, so I commend you for your resilience and courage in reaching out! Unfortunately, it sounds like you aren't receiving the needed support from your parents or school counsellors, so I was wondering if it is possible for you to discuss your concerns with another trusted adult, such as a therapist, GP or even a trusted teacher.
Regardless, I want to remind you that you are not alone and that you have a whole community behind you who can remind you that you are incredibly worthy, self-aware, and intelligent. Hope you are taking good care of yourself and wishing you the best! :))
