Being "Too Shy"

Your post spoke to me @Sprouting_Flowers 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It's something relatable I have experienced and still do today.

Many people experience the pressure to change their behaviour based on comments like "you're too shy" or "too quiet," which can indeed evoke feelings of inadequacy.

It's wonderful to hear that you've found comfort in recognizing the strengths within yourself that others might have seen as weaknesses.

However, as you've pointed out, there's significant value in embracing our true selves and recognizing the strengths that come with traits like introspection and thoughtfulness.

 I never viewed it in this way and I appreciate that you posted this💖

The realization that what is often seen as a weakness can be a strength is empowering. It allows us to reframe our self-perception and appreciate the unique qualities we bring to the world. Thank you for your kind words and for reminding us all of the beauty and positivity in being true to ourselves.

I resonate deeply with your post! I was always told I was too quiet and needed to participate or speak more in class but I never felt comfortable. Fast forward to my late teens and I found that I noticed things my other classmates never did, whether it be about other peers or friends. I definitely think by being in the background you observe and get to become more empathetic towards others. Awesome post! 🥰

Hi @Sprouting_Flowers 

I absolutely love and relate to your post - thank you for sharing your experience. Unfortunately, I think people like to conflate 'quietness', 'shyness' and 'introversion' but I've grown to learn that I actually don't think they are the same thing at all. Quietness is quite literally just a lack of noise. It just means that you like to listen instead of talk and are usually a more observant person. I feel like this is a vague term and can refer both to a temporary state or someone's personality (e.g. 'Gary is so quiet today' vs 'Gary is a quiet person'). Shyness is a feeling or emotion in which you feel uncomfortable, self-conscious or nervous around all people or certain people. It is uncontrollable but may not happen in every situation and it may change over time. Introversion is a personality trait and so is generally stable over your lifetime. Introversion just means that you prefer the internal compared to the external and need time by yourself to recharge compared to time with other people. But someone is rarely fully introverted or extraverted (you are usually a mix). Someone can be shy and quiet but still be extraverted. Similarly, someone can be introverted but not shy or quiet. Someone can even be quiet but not shy. 

What I'm trying to say, is that for my whole life, I thought these things were the same. I felt that my identity was that I was quiet, shy and introverted and that I would always be like that (because that's what people told me ever since I was a little kid). However, I came to learn that they are not the same thing. I realised that I am quiet, but I'm not actually shy in every situation. In some social situations, I don't feel shy at all. I also realised that I'm probably not 100% introverted. In fact, I don't like being alone at all. So in the end, I decided that I'm actually just quiet and this is not a bad thing at all! There's no point in people talking if there's no one to listen to them - and I'm a listener. Once I realised that, just like you, I had so much more confidence in myself and my identity. 

So yes, quietness, shyness and introversion often do go hand-in-hand. But they are not the same thing and I think it is totally okay to identify with one but not the other. People are complex and we are all different 🫶🏼

Hi @Sprouting_Flowers 

I can totally relate to your experience being a quiet and shy girl myself. 

In my household, it was quite worrying for my parents that their only daughter had turned out to be so quiet that they kept on pushing me to talk more, be like other hyperactive kids.

They were worried that people would take advantage of my quiet nature when I grow up. They even had me shift to an international school to "open me up". I don't blame them though...the world for them has become 10 times more dangerous than when they were growing up so it was just to help me be comfortable with speaking up when the time comes. 

There were times when being labelled as the quiet kid made me feel inadequate. As if it's not a desirable trait. As you had mentioned, extroverted traits are more desirable in our society. 

I get the reason why you had created a fake persona for yourself. There are times when I did that too..I can imagine how exhaustive it must have been, trying to blend in with the rest of the crowd with a mask on. And it seems that you were also not comfortable and happy with it too. 

It's great that you took the step to accept your introverted side and appreciate your qualties. That's such a healthy positive attitude. Sometimes we tend to forget how unique we are. 

And the fun fact about my life is now my parents now accept me for my nature and they really see me as a good listener too. They're able to share things with me without hesitation. 

Introverts do have this natural superpower of empathy and detailed observation. I'm proud of how your've been able to discover and accept this superpower as a part of you. 

I hope you continue to take this positive accepting approach for yourself. You're a special superhero for others in times of need so please do cherish yourself. 

I think there is a really oppressive nature to the 9-5 office lifestyle that so many people live. I think it has a lot to do with this ingrained idea that being introverted is bad, because it was seen as a barrier to getting a job and working well. In reality, we're just different and the system doesn't really get it. I've been reading a lot about research into neurodivergence and I've come to believe this structured lifestyle is the also the cause of neurodivergence being 'othered' - it has in reality been shown to have had evolutionary benefits. I also suffer from serve PMS, which can make study at a certain time of the month really difficult - but again this is just the result of a systemic preference for the male experience. The result of of this reflection is just that I don't need to change, the work and schooling system is what does.

Hey @Sprouting_Flowers, much like yourself and the others who have already replied, I can heavily relate to this. I'd like to think I'm a pretty even mix of introverted and extroverted, very much depending on the people I am with and my energy levels.

I agree with @snazzy_pigeon in regards to quiet people also being very observant. When I'm in my 'introverted' mood and I am being quiet, I find my mind stops racing and I can focus on every little thing my friends tell me. And I actually surprise myself by remembering these random things that they tell me and they appreciate that I remember these things because they know that I care for their friendship and listen to the little details.

Never think you have to change for everybody. People may not like being quiet and shy, but if that is what makes you comfortable, never see it as a bad thing. You should never have to adapt to anyone elses needs and be someone you are not.

Really awesome post @Sprouting_Flowers. Honestly, I truly believe that those considered "too quiet" are some of the most observant people I have ever met and that is something I really admire. I find that they pay attention to detail and pick up on things "regular" people cannot. I also feel like being an introvert is seen as the lesser of the two (extrovert and introvert) in society and seen almost as weakness when this is not true at all!!!! Our ability to find comfort in our own company is a strength. 

And also good on you for being able to reframe your personality and make it your strength, its really admirable☺️

Hi @Sprouting_Flowers 

I feel like I wrote this post, I can relate to every bit of it. I always got told I was "too quiet" but I always thought so what? That's just how I am and I shouldn't have to change that unless it was affecting me negatively. However, I do feel that I have come out of my shell a little bit over the years. That's the great thing about us introverts, were great listeners and very observant which I think are are good qualities to have. Thank you for sharing! 

Hey @Sprouting_Flowers , thanks for sharing this! I resonate with being "too shy" and learning to embrace my introvertness. I am happy to see you've been able to go on this journey and recognise all your strengths! I read a book which I found quite interesting about this - Quiet Power by Susan Cain that you (or others) may enjoy.