Changes, growing up, adulting, mental health, validation
Hi ReachOut!
I just needed a space to share a little bit today. About two years ago I was diagnosed with GAD on top of my 10years+ of bulimia. With much encouragement from close family and friends I made some really really big changes in my life. Pretty much everything changed so I could get better and be more functional - my social circles, where I was living, my work, my medication and habits, how I related to people. I have done so much therapy and learnt about co-dependency, self-care and self-validation, and how to live my values.
Of course this is all stuff I don't really talk about in my day to day life - mostly just with my therapist/s and family. I think today as I just sit at my desk and do my work like any other day I feel sort of in shock about just how much I have changed and grown up through the whole process. I am almost an unrecognizable person, inside and out. The craziest thing is that I feel like I still have a ways to go. Now that I have seen that I really can influence the way I think, the way I feel, and how much I can tolerate, it's like my whole perspective on life has changed too.
Sometimes I miss my old ways. There were a lot of things in my life that I liked, but that unfortunately just made my mental health so much worse, I had to let go. Today I feel reflective and excited and sad all at the same time. Potentially almost a bit overwhelmed. Does anyone else feel like this when they think about their mental health journey? Life more generally?
(side note: I am also just a bit tired - dedicated self-advocacy and self love can be exhausting)
Comments
Hey @Turquoise_Hamster 
Thats a long way to come and it is not always easy yo make those sorts of changes in yourself. It can be exhausting and tough but totally worth it, you must feel really proud of yourself.
When I reflect on my mental health journey I totally get it, missing things that you liked by made your mental health worse. Its definitely a tough process and can be really hard to let go of them, even when you don't know at the time that was what making it worse for you. There are aspects I miss and even people I miss that were in my life for a long time.
However, I try to remind myself how far I've come and that the people I miss are in different stages and they have changed as well. Recently a friend I drifted from in school, we've been reaching out to each other and talking again and they have changed as well, that were both in better places where we can be friends without making our mental health worse. Thats were I feel excited and sad and it can be overwhelming, especially when it feels like you've lost something special to you. I always like to look how far I've come and how much I have achieved since then.
Self advocacy and self love is exhausting but it so important to you and your health. It can set you up for a good day or help you on a bad day.
Hey Rara, thanks for your response and support. It was interesting to read about your experience with your friends from school. I think there's something about being a teenager at school or at uni even, there can be so much happening at life and you fall into all sorts of relationships.
I love hearing about how you tell yourself how far you have come. I can really see the power in that, and it's inspired me to pick up some end of day reflections again
Hi @Turquoise_Hamster it's lovely to hear from you again!
Thank you for sharing your journey with us. It's incredible to hear about the progress and transformation you've made over the past few years. You've shown remarkable strength, resilience, and determination in making such significant changes to improve your mental health. I am really glad that you've come to share your reflections on the forums today, as it is so inspiring to read, and I know that many others on their mental health journeys share similar experiences and feelings.
It's completely natural to feel a mix of emotions when reflecting on your mental health journey. Your reflections show a deep level of self-awareness. You've embraces personl growth, and it's normal to sometimes feel overwhelmed, reflective, excited, and even a bit sad as you recognise the trade-offs and changes you've had to make along the way.
Missing aspects of your old ways is so understandable, as they were a part of your life for such a long time. It's okay to acknowledge that some things you enjoyed had to be let go of for the sake of your mental health. It really can be such a bittersweet process.
You're absolutely right - self-advocacy and self-love can be exhausting, but also so incredibely important and empowering. Investing in rest, self-care, and activities that bring you joy are great ways of relieving yourself from the mental load of self-work!
In terms of your feelings today, I am curious to hear whether you have developed any strategies to overcome the overwhelm that comes with reflecting on your mental health journey? Or to manage such uncomfortable emotions more generally?
Hi Hannah! Thank you 😄
I have really noticed the difference it makes when I invest in a bit of quiet time and recovery, it gives me the creative energy to cope. I think one of the biggest things I have discovered is having a mantra on hand, and believing that everything passes. I never realised just how stressed I have been for a while, and breathing and believing makes life feel a lot more manageable for me, including difficult emotions. I do find overwhelm hard, because it is so physical in some ways, and I guess I am a bit of a thinker by instinct, and you can't really think your way out of overwhelm. Temperature and fidget toys/craft help me process.
@Turquoise_Hamster just wanted to pop in and say that this is amazing to hear! I think you can be very proud of yourself for your progress. Sounds like you've found some awesome strategies, and you're right - carving out quiet time to allow you space to process and just be is an amazing thing to have. Kudos!
Hey @Turquoise_Hamster 
It really amazing that you’ve been able to change so much for yourself. It takes so much work and strength to accomplish what you have so you should be really proud. When I look back at my mental health journey I feel similarly. I miss aspects of my unwell self as it was easier to hide my limitations. Now I know the consequences of hiding too much, so it no longer feels worth it. I still can’t really wrap my head around having a life like this.
Life is so much better, but it is completely different. I know fundamentally I’m the same person, but I feel so different. I gained the ability to be proud of things and be compassionate towards myself. Unhealthy me could never. There’s just such a contrast that sometimes I’m a bit taken a back with some of the things I think/do. It feels unfamiliar but a good kind of unfamiliar.
I think change is just challenging, regardless of whether it’s good or bad. Recovery is overwhelming and exhausting, especially considering you must actively go against the illness. I don’t know if you will ever feel like you’re completely recovered. But maybe it's more important to remember how far you've come.
Thank you for sharing! It's nice to know I am not the only one who gets this way!
Yeah I think sometimes mental scars are just like physical scars, they just are there and its ok, we can live with them. I couldn't agree more that ED recovery especially is EXHAUSTING because you really are doing the opposite of what your mind and body tells you to do instinctively. It does get so much easier over time though.
