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Feelings about Father's Day
Father's Day is coming up and although it can be a fun day to spend with the dads in our lives, for some it can be a difficult time. You might find that Father's Day is upsetting if your dad has passed away, if he's someone you don't have contact with, or if your relationship is a complicated one. And although your socials might be filled with happy families, we want you to know you're not alone if you find this day tough to navigate. Here's some tips on how to look after yourself on Sunday, but we encourage you to share your own in the comments below too!
- Take some time out from social media over the weekend. Although it's great knowing other people are enjoying the day, seeing others with their families all at once can be overwhelming & triggering. Try doing something creative instead - compose a song, take some photos, write a poem or do some sketching.
- Spend some time with your friends. Families come in all shapes and forms, so hanging out with your chosen family is just as valid and is a great way to connect with people that care about you.
- Have a go at writing down how you're feeling. Sometimes it can feel better to get it all out on paper or type it out in your notes. Doing this can help understand and recognise what is going on for you, untangle all your thoughts, and figure out what your next steps are.
- Organise an appointment to chat things over with your therapist, they will be able to work with you to explore how you're feeling in a supportive and safe space.
- Reach out to other supports. Whether that's here on the forums, contacting Lifeline if you need immediate help, or checking out other services like 1800RESPECT or Mensline - we're all here for you.
Comments
Absolutely, it's so important to acknowledge how challenging Father's Day can be for many. Here are some additional tips that might help you navigate the day:
Create a Comforting Environment: Surround yourself with things that make you feel at ease. Whether it’s your favorite cozy blanket, a beloved book, or a favorite movie, creating a space that brings you comfort can help you through the day. 🛋️📚
Practice Mindfulness or Relaxation Techniques: Engaging in mindfulness exercises, deep breathing, or meditation can help manage stress and provide a sense of calm. Even just a few minutes of these practices can make a difference. 🧘♀️🌿
Do Something for Yourself: Use the day to treat yourself to something you enjoy or that makes you feel good. It might be a favorite meal, a movie you love, or even a small self-care ritual. You deserve to feel nurtured and valued. 🎂💆♂️
Reflect on Positive Memories or Create New Ones: If you’re comfortable, reflecting on happy memories or engaging in activities that honor your relationship with your dad can be meaningful. Alternatively, creating new positive experiences or traditions can also be a way to navigate the day. 🌟📖
Limit Comparisons: It’s easy to compare your situation to others, especially with social media. Try to focus on your own needs and experiences rather than what others are doing. Your feelings are valid and important, no matter how they compare to others’. 🛑📱
Be Gentle with Yourself: Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up, and don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s okay to have a range of feelings and to take the time you need to process them. 💛🌈
Remember, you’re not alone, and taking care of yourself is a priority. If you have other ideas or ways that have helped you, sharing them can also support others who might be navigating similar challenges. 💪🌟
Hi all,
I think for many, Father's Day isn't our favourite day of the year. It can be really hard seeing all the Father's day messages, posts and gifts in the stores - it doesn't leave much room to have conversations about how heartbreaking, unconfortable and weird this day can be.
Personally, my dad and I have a complicated, but stable relationship, but he is living interstate so I rarely see him. I find Father's day hard because his relationships with my siblings is not good. Playing the mediator and trying to organise my siblings to help make the day special for my dad is tiring! I've learnt over the years that I should stop trying to fix their relationship, and focus on my own relationship with him. I often have to remind myself that I am not responsible for their actions. I also like to try and focus on happy, good memories that I have of us all.
I think it's really important, for all of us, to just validate the difficulty of this day and allow ourselves and others to be frustrated, disappointed, sad, or any other feelings that might pop up. I think being present within ourselves and others about our feelings and thoughts is a good place to start as well. Mindfulness can be a good idea for this - I like to just look up some mindfulness videos on youtube to help me get into a good space of mind!
I hope everyone looks after themselves and find support in others on this day 💛💛💛
Hi @Breathe18
Thank you for that really nice reflection. Yes, fathers' day can definitely be a difficult time for a lot of people. It's hard to see so many families out to celebrate it as it can often be a sad reminder of what's missing in other peoples' lives.
I'm happy for you that you've found your own way to move past things and that you're able to try and focus on the good memories with your dad and the relationship that you've developed with him.
Thank you again for sharing that reflection! I'm sure it will be helpful to many on the forums. 💙
Hi everyone!
Another Fathers' Day is rolling around, and it's just as important as ever to acknowledge the mixed feelings which can come with this day. Remember look after yourself and lean on your support systems when you need to. And as always, this is a safe space to talk about your experiences 😊
Hi all,
I hope yesterday went ok for you, and you were able to do something nice for yourselves over the weekend ❤️ I'm so glad some of you were able to share your experiences here and get such great support from the community, thank you for being there for each other.
There are so many different reasons why Father's Day might be a tough one for you, so I thought I'd share some resources on Grief & Loss, Families, Trauma and Abuse & Violence in case any of these relate to your experiences.
Sending you all lots of love!
A day late but I HATE fathers day and I am always dragged out to celebrate fathersday with my mums family and I just can't stand the simple fact we are celebrating fathers day
Thank you for bringing attention to this 💛 Whilst Father's Day is a great day for many, it's true that for some of us it is a difficult time of year!
I lost my father when I was little, and throughout primary school in particular I remember feeling very lost and isolated around father's day when all the other kids were writing cards for their dads or making gifts and I wasn't able to - and if anyone on this forum is experiencing these feelings/situations, I'm sorry.
As I got older, something that I found helpful around Father's Day (in addition to the things that Iona mentioned), was to go to my father's resting place around this time of year (and several times throughout the year) to just sit and talk - I just talk about all the things that have happened since I last visited, all the things that I'm proud about, all the things that I'm worried about, and I've found that this makes me feel much more connected to him. I think this feeling of connection, especially after building it over time, helps me feel less sad/lonely especially around this time of year, and now when I visit I just feel safe and at peace - it's honestly one of the places where I feel most calm now.
This may be a difficult thing to do if the pain is still fresh, so you need to be aware of your own feelings and limitations, but if anyone hasn't done this yet and is feeling up to it, I think it's a really nice experience to just go somewhere that you feel has a strong connection to your dad and to just sit and talk.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for offering such a thoughtful and personal perspective. 💛
Losing a parent at a young age can bring up so many complex emotions, especially around times like Father's Day. It's heartwarming to hear how you’ve found a meaningful way to feel connected to your father by visiting his resting place and sharing your thoughts with him. That’s a beautiful way to honor his memory and maintain that bond, even if he’s not physically present.
Your approach of talking about your experiences, achievements, and concerns during these visits sounds incredibly healing and grounding. It’s a powerful reminder that finding ways to connect with our loved ones, in whatever form that takes, can bring comfort and a sense of peace.
For anyone who might be struggling or considering trying something similar, your suggestion of visiting a place with a strong connection to their loved one is both moving and practical. It’s important to acknowledge and respect your own feelings and limitations, and to do what feels right for you.
Thank you again for sharing this, and for providing such compassionate advice to others who may be going through similar experiences. Your insight and willingness to open up are truly appreciated. 🌟🕊️
Hi happyapples,
I'm sorry you had to go through that I know what it feels like to feel left out when people are making cards or gifts for father's Day because I've been going through these past 4 years and it's tought on me because I really miss him every day at the moment the sky reminds me of him he makes the sky look pretty every single day because ik he's up there and I miss him so much ❤️
Tulip_starling
Hey @Tulip_Starling - thank you for your reply 💛
I'm so sorry for your loss - I know that it must be incredibly tough on you, especially around this time of year and because your loss was only 4 years ago.
Has there been anything recently that has made you feel a bit better when you're missing your dad? An activity or a song or anything at all?
Whilst I know that I don't know you personally, from just this post alone I am sure that your dad would be proud of the kind of person you are. He's up there watching over you, and, as his child, you'll always carry a part of him with you for the rest of your life - so whilst those who have passed may not physically be here with us, I like to think that they're never truly gone.
Hi happyapples,
You're welcome for the reply x
Yea it is incredibly tough on me at the moment because all I hear at school is people talking about getting father's day presents for
father's Day and it's hard on me
There hasn't been anything recently that had made me feel a bit better about dad all I do is miss him and then I overthink
That's a good thing to think about I mean I've been going through a lot to the point this morning I couldn't go into class and I was marked away and I was stressed so I decided to go to the student support officer that we have at school
Tulip_starling
Hey @Tulip_Starling
I'm so sorry that school is so hard at the moment - do you feel comfortable talking about what's been stressing you and what you overthink about when you miss your dad?
I also know that you've said in response to @Dem--RO 's post that you're not sure what to do for yourself tomorrow - would maybe something on this page on self-care ideas be possible and enjoyable for you?
Hi happyapples,
Yea thanks but it's not Ur fault- the things that have been stressing me out at school is so I start stressing out about things that are pointless to overthink about- the things I overthink about my dad are so what would like fe be like if he was here my life would be so much better if he was here.
Yea I don't know what I could do for tomorrow since my dad isn't alive because he passed away from pneumonia and then people talk about pneumonia in English at school and that how my dad died so that's kinda what I'm struggling with at the moment-such as struggling- yea something on that page would probably help me thanks and it would be possible and enjoyable for me tomorrow x
Tulip_starling
Hey @Tulip_Starling
The 'what if's' are definitely always incredibly hard to deal with - especially if you think that your life could have been better/easier if a certain event never happened. But I think that these types of thoughts are normal to have after you lose someone, and it's okay to sit in your grief for however long you feel you need to in order to process your experience. Do you have these thoughts all year round or are they more common around Father's day/days that possess a connection to your dad?
Hearing people talk about pneumonia at school must be incredibly painful - does this happen often? I know that I also used to (and sometimes still do) struggle when I heard people talking about cancer (which was the cause of my dad's death).
How was your day was today? Were you able to do something enjoyable?
Hey @Tulip_Starling
Thank you for being so supportive of others in the community 💜💛
I'm really glad you were able to go have a chat with the student support officer, how did you feel afterwards?
I know tomorrow is likely to be rough for you, here is an article about stress and anxiety management just to give you a few ideas as a starting point.
Can you plan to do something nice for yourself tomorrow?
Hi reachout forums,
You're welcome for being so supportive of other in the community it's kind of someone I like to do when people aren't teasing me then I go of at them
I mean I didn't really have a chat with her I just chilled in her room and did school work because I couldn't walk into the classroom because I was stressed and couldn't walk in there at all
Thanks for the articles to read up on for a starting point
Well to be honest I don't know what I should do for myself tomorrow at the moment
Tulip_starling
Hey @Tulip_Starling, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Losing someone so close to you like that can be so heartbreaking, even moreso around this time of year. I lost my dad a while ago, so I can definitely understand feeling left out around Father's Day, especially when people are buying gifts and creating cards. I always struggle around Father's Day too and have to find things to keep myself busy.
You mentioned that being supportive of others in the community is something you like to do when people aren't teasing you. Do you mind me asking what you mean by that? Do people tease you often?
I also noticed in another comment that you have been feeling stressed and start to overthink things, so I am wondering if you have been able to find anything that helps relax or even distract you? I am also wondering if maybe there is something special you can do tomorrow to remember your dad? Maybe you could start a little tradition to help you get through such a hard day. Is there anything that you could do that reminds you of him?
I just want to remind you that we're all here for you 💜
Hi reachout forums,
When I say that I'm supportive of others in the community is when people don't tease me by calling me this name that I hate and I tell them not to and it annoys the hell out of me. People do tease me often but it's mostly in school and sometimes online.
Tulip_starling
I haven't been able to find anything that has been able to relax me or that distracts me, I mean something he always liked to do was like hanging out with me, but I don't know how to do a tradition for that at the moment, something that reminds me of him is the sunset in the sky and the clouds that's all that basically reminds me of him at the moment
Hi @Tulip_Starling, thank you so much for checking in with us today 💞 How are you feeling?
With the teasing that happens at school and online, is this related to the bullying that you mentioned in another post? Have you been able to take screen snips of the online comments and messages? Here's a link to some info about cyberbullying if you want to take a look.
I think by showing enormous courage in a very difficult situation (and I'm referencing your other posts), has been the best way to honour your dad for this Father's Day, I'm sure he is very, very proud of you 💕
Hey @HappyApples
Thank you for sharing that! I'm sure it'll be really helpful for a lot of people on the forums.
I'm glad you have found a way to keep a connection with your late father. It seems like you very much still find him to be your safe haven.
Hey @HappyApples
Sorry you had to go through that... I feel like many often forget that fathers day can be a tough day for some, and having fathers day stalls and card-making activities at school next to all your friends must have been so difficult.
It sounds like visiting your father's resting place and just talking to him has been a good and healing experience for you. I'm so happy that you've found a way to feel positive things like safety, peace, and calm, on a day that can often more easily bring sorrow.
Thank you for sharing that with us!
Hey @HappyApples
Im so glad you shared what you do around father days to help, as youre so right, special occasions like mothers day and father day can often be a really difficult time for those who have lost their mum or dad, and for those who dont know them.
I cant imagine what it would have been like growing up seeing all the other kids make father days gifts or cards when you didnt have your dad. That must have been really hard.
Having an inner chat or even outloud chat with someone youve lost whether at their resting place or just whenever and wherever can be so powerful. Its really great to hear that you feel safe and at peace their, maybe even more connected with him when you go to his resting place.
In my culture, we visit the grave and bring their favourite foods on special occasions. We share the food with them spiritually and celebrate their life that we had with them. I know this may seem odd for others, but is this something you could do too do you think?
🙂