Hey thanks for your reply! I’ve always considered myself more on the asexual spectrum and my brother sees himself “borderline asexual” (He’s heavily straight I’m certain.) that gave me closure.
I feel like I’m trying to force myself to like a specific gender or anyone because I’m 16 and have to get a life sooner. I’ve never been really attracted to anyone at all. I’ve fantasised about guys, duh hahaha and felt a butterfly sensation but sometimes with girls not really. Usually just an experiment type feeling.
ueah, a lot of girls are not following the normal societal “norms” as everything is changing now but I compare myself a lot and wish I was more like others to the point where I hype others and don’t give myself any room for improvement or help at all. I don’t like to be that girl who wants or asks for compliments so I don’t say anything, but because I don’t like to vent those thoughts out, it keeps building up.
I really appreciate your reply and everyone. I was feeling good for the past couple days and sort of pushed that thought aside and allowed myself to just be me which helped a lot. Venting and all your replies helped greatly and I’m truly appreciative of it. To answer everyone else’s questions (don’t know how to ping or pinpoint it here without replying for 25 times) I’ve been recently writing it down into forums so people can relate and I can vent and share our experiences in a positive manner with hope that things will get better. Also just pushing the thought of love out of my head and getting my life together instead. I really want to wear makeup and I think it looks really nice but I don’t know why I feel so uncomfortable with it. Uncomfortable with even trying to look good as well. I don’t like receiving compliments. I don’t like the thought of the attention on me but I want to wear makeup because it makes me feel like I would be confident. No girl boy anything type feeling, just I’m afraid and insecure I guess of putting it on because I seem so much more masculine. I also don’t like the “Omg girls night!!” Thought or saying when people say it aloud. Of course I won’t show anything but it makes me feel weird inside even though I do want to do it. I don’t know what feeling it gives me. Is it fear, or is it because I’m insecure about others and their thoughts...?
