Hi guys, I just wanted to talk about how I'm feeling right now.
Yesterday, I tried all day to try to get my assignment done (that's due on Monday), and I ended up writing one paragraph at about 6:30 pm after freaking out and procrastinating the entire day. I had a shift starting at 8pm and I was already really worried about that (as I usually am for a shift), and I just didn't want to go, but I did. While I was there and working, I was still really on edge, worrying if I was doing the right things and if I'm working to the best of my ability because if I'm not, I think I'm a failure. I had multiple panic attacks and went to the bathroom just to try to calm down, but it wasn't really working. A lot of memories tend to randomly pop up when I get anxious... ones that make me really think about them, and bring up my grief, such as ones with my past girlfriend or my mum. I try and ignore them, but a lot of the time it's really difficult
There's always a lot of customers at work, and I get very claustrophobic when I'm in large crowds so that didn't help either (there were fewer people there because of covid but it didn't really change much). Thankfully, when I went on break, the boss said there was nothing to do and said I could go home early. But I still wanted to work because I need the money for the guitar. He insisted though because there were too many people on at once.
Once I got home I just tried to relax for a while and watch YouTube until I eventually wanted to go to sleep. Right now I'm still a bit stressed because of this essay, even though I only have 500 words left.
