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that is good the sensory toy thing helped you calm down a little. yeah it can be really hard and i think it takes a skilled psych to be able to manage because they still need you to be able to trust them but yeah idk it is super difficult and as for the motherly figures i think sometimes we all need some of those and if you think about being back in communal living times we probably had a lot more of that i know in my dads culture there are lots of "aunties" so you end up with lots of mum figures who you can go to for advice and stuff which is cool but western culture kind of doesnt have the same thing. anyway maybe you could join a support group or something like just go and hang out with other people who arent psychs idk just a thought.