I’m sorry everything has been difficult with lockdown and you haven’t been feeling that great with your connections with others. It’s okay to be teary and admit it’s been difficult. It’s such a chaotic period, I think it’s particularly tough to have any sort of momentum with any relationship. It can often feel easier to retreat back inside as it feels like we’re approaching the same obstacles we’ve made when we first entered that relationship (with a counsellor or psych) but now with the added pressure like we should feel relaxed as we’ve known them for longer. (I hope that makes sense!)
It doesn’t sound like you’re self-pitying to me, I feel you're being honest with yourself about how tough it is. I feel like it’s good to face or admit our pain and discomfort and go through the gauntlet of emotions (as you are now) to allow ourselves to process it.
I know what it’s like to feel like an outsider or feel like it’s hard to relate, so I definitely relate to the way that you relate!
