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@Lavender_Pony firstly I wanted to let you know that I've edited your post and added a trigger warning and some spoilers so it fits within our guidelines, as some topics can be distressing for people reading posts on the forums. 

We will also email you, but I wanted to post here to say I'm so sorry for all you've been through and all you're going through, it's more than anyone should have to cope with. We care about you, so when you say you're feeling empty and worthless and that you've thought about suicide, it's really worrying.
I want to ask - are you safe? Do you have anything that helps you to manage when you feel depressed? Things that give you a sense of purpose?

You've mentioned that you don't have anyone to listen to you and I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so alone. Is there anyone in your life you trust who you might be able to talk to? Eg. a relative or family friend? Or could you perhaps connect with a service near you - this website might be a helpful starting point to find services. 

You matter, you are important and you deserve to be supported.