Hi @PleaseStay Welcome to the Forums, it is so lovely to have you join us. Being able to talk openly and express how you are feeling can be a really healthy and important thing to do for ourselves sometimes, thank you for being brave and sharing it with us here.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through so much, I can hear how confused you are. It sounds like you are having so many contradictory feelings, so it is understandable why you might feel like you are being pulled in so many different directions. With so much going on, I am just wondering if you have any trusted friends or family members, or even a health professional that you would feel comfortable talking about this with?
Please remember that you are not alone and we are always here to support you 💜
