Hi @Anonymous, I am sorry that you have been feeling so shitty and out of it lately. I definitely think that can happen during lockdown, so please know that you aren't alone. I can hear that you are feeling really isolated and upset right now. It must be really heart breaking to realise that your friends aren't talking to you unless you are making the effort yourself. You mention that you feel like you are pushing them away but then you also remember that they used to exclude you. Have you ever talked to them about these kinds of things? It can be a really hard conversation to have but it can be a good way to get things off your chest and to sort out issues.
Talking to a professional during this hard time might be helpful, especially if you can't open up to your friends or family atm. If you were to talk to a counsellor, do you think you would be able to find somewhere private to talk? If it is okay with your parents and with the restrictions in your area, could you go for a walk to take the phone call? Or you could use a webchat service instead, that way you don't need to worry about speaking on the phone.
