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I'm so sorry you lost your grandad in such an awful way and that you miss him so much.

Anniversaries are such tough times when it comes to grieving for people we love. It sounds like your grandad loved you very much and I imagine he would have wished all the best things for you. 💛

I'm really sorry things didn't work out with your psychologist and you felt seeing her made things worse - that must have been really hard. Have you thought about trying someone different?
Or do you feel able to talk to your family about how much you miss him? 
I personally find it really helpful to talk about people I've lost who I love and miss with other people who also love and miss them.