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I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a hard time and that your pain and intrusive thoughts have been so bad @Lost_Space_Explorer5 💛

Is there anything you've found helpful in that past that might help now?

Did you manage to get some sleep? How are you feeling today?

I wanted to let you know that I edited part of your post because it might be distressing for people reading, and I'm going to email you as well, so please look out for that.