Hey there @RaccoonRave 🙂
I hope you're feeling okay after sharing this - It isn't always easy to open up about these kinds of things, but I'm really glad you decided to.
You asked if you should feel comfortable with what happened. I think it's important to say that our best indication of whether we are comfortable with something is our emotional/physical reaction. It sounds like you clearly communicated that you weren't interested in being sexual.
When we set a boundary, and someone chooses to cross it, regardless of their reasons/intentions, it isn't okay, and it's normal that you're thinking about it often. It's common to feel there is something you should/shouldn't have done to avoid the situation. I want to reassure you that you are in no way responsible for his actions - and while you had a good two months together, for the most part, you are allowed not to be okay with that one day.
Do you think you'd feel comfy talking to more people about this, like a friend or counsellor? I thought I'd share some links that might be reassuring/helpful for now.
Last month, we had a Q&A with a psychologist about boundaries, and you can read the conversation here. Also, we made a thread here to chat about consent where we've linked to helpful resourceful, but I'll include them below.
ReachOut has content on this topic that you can watch, listen to or read. That includes personal stories, advice on what to do.
This is a helpful article on “What to do if you’ve realised a past experience was sexual assault”.
This is a national list of support to contact. In addition, there is a breakdown of services in your state and nationwide, including:
1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) or start a chat here.
You mentioned that you are usually a positive person, and I want to highlight that telling someone how you feel IS positive. You are looking after yourself, and it doesn't get more positive than that. We're here to listen and support you while you figure this out ❤️
I just need to let you know that I edited your post in line with our community guidelines which you can read here when you're up to it. We are also going to check in with you via email, so keep an eye out for that.