Hi @VioletThistleKoala , thank you for sharing your experience - It can be difficult to come to terms with trauma and the impact of negative experiences BUT the fact that you're aware of how it affected you and that you have the willingness to change is already huge and something you should be proud of.
I hope you can practice more self-love and forgive yourself for your past actions. From the information you've told so far, it doesn't seem like you were purposefully acting with malicious intent, and at the end of the day - I believe that we are a product of our environment. That doesn't make you a bad person, it may just mean that your actions were influenced by previous bad experiences. We as humans have the ability to change and the fact that you are starting to reconnect with your emotions is already a sign that you're doing a good job in moving forward.
I hope you're feeling alright and It's good to see you seeking out professional help soon, it is always a healthy step to take.
🤠
