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Hey @Jardin sounds like you’re dealing with some intense things. I’m sorry that about your sister and it’s great to hear she’s doing a lot better but it sounds like it’s having a profound impact on you now. I don’t have much experience with eating disorders but I know there is something called disordered eating as well. Here’s an article explaining the difference. I hear the stress in your writing and I think the safest route is to see a professional whether it be your GP, dietician or nutritionist because if it is what you think it is, you need the appropriate support right away. Take it a step at a time. I understand you’re concerned about how this may impact your family but I’m sure they’d want you to be safe and healthy. I’d take it a step further and say we all want that for you 💜 I struggled with disordered eating while I was trying to lose weight I had gained from being on anti-depressants but having open conversations with my psychiatrist and doing research is realised what true nutrition actually was. Thank you for opening up to us, as you’re title says you’re scared and I’m so sorry you have to sit with such an uncomfortable feeling. Remember this space is always open for you to vent/share and I’m sending good vibes your way. 
Take care and remember times like this self-care is primary.