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Hey @lemurien thanks for sharing your vulnerable position with us, I imagine it must been daunting. I just wanted to add something to what has already been said. I can tell you 100%, hand on my heart that the mentality of “I start to think I should just give up on my mental health and just go back to work so at least I have something to do and feel valuable in society.” is not sustainable. How do I know? Because I tried that for years and all it did was lead me deeper into my mental health struggles until I hit rock bottom. Your mental health is what keeps you going, like a power pack. If it’s not fully charged it influences every other aspect of your life, especially work. Please, please don’t give up on recovery. Whether you take it a day at a time or hour at a time, take that step everyday. It’ll be hard and I hope you don’t have to wait long to find clinical supports but don’t give up on yourself. You owe it to yourself because you are a valued, loved member of society whether you work or not. There is more to you than just a job 💜 I’ve seen your responses to other people. Direct that positivity and self-love inwards. 
I wish you all the best in life and come back to check in whenever you can