@StormySeas17 it's great to hear from someone on the 'other side' of the problem, just knowing that you've encountered this problem with friends before and that you were ultimately able to understand and forgive them means a lot 🙂 it definitely hurts to know you're hurting people when you don't mean to. There's no urge to defend myself from the accusations, just an inner voice of scolding that instantly pops up to say "there you go again, hurting people and making them hate you because you're neglecting them, you always do this". And the other part is I absolutely cannot promise them I'll try harder or do better, because the problem isn't caused by a lack of trying or a lack of care. In fact, going out to meet her for lunch was a huge accomplishment for me 😞 so it was disappointing to hear she didn't see it that way.
I totally relate to online being 'invisible'! Thanks for sharing those anecdotes. I also relate to bringing back the unread notification to remind myself to answer, I have been doing that for years!! although I try not to open if I'm not ready to answer, because I know being 'left on seen' can be hurtful and scary. I don't know if I have a bit of social anxiety? Because seeing messages (or worse yet, calls) come in always startles me and sends me into a tizzy worrying "what do they want, what should I say, what if I disappoint them or they judge me, what if they say something and I don't know what to say back?!" I deliberately dont respond to texts right away because I'm afraid of getting into an instant back-and-forth convo that leaves me no time to reflect on what to say.
I see what you mean, either I can strike a communicative compromise with people or I can't, and it needs to be addressed either way. I've lost friends for that reason in the past, but, if intermittent messaging is really hurtful to those people, I'm really not a well-suited friend for them unfortunately, so it's probably for the best 😕 Thank you for that phrasing "challenges in communicating" - that is a great neutral phrasing I can use instead of "bad friend" or "bad at messaging" or anything like that.
I appreciated your last paragraph most of all ❤️ I was trying to be honest with that friend about my relationship concerns, but to be urged so strongly that I have to break up with him was definitely a bit much right now, amidst all the other uncertainty. we might not be right for each other but we're still supporting each other at the moment so I don't think it's something I need to rip up right this minute. Thank you ❤️
