Hi @toxic-lover
It sounds like you have done a lot of reflection on your relationship, including how there was a lot of pain and hurt involved. I am so sorry to hear about the incident that happened on Saturday night. I can hear that it escalated and that you were feeling quite powerless. It must have been really difficult to be in such a situation that you were unable to leave. How are you feeling now?
It is great that you were able to call the police for support, even though I am sure that may have been a difficult thing to do. How do you feel about managing this situation if it were to occur again?
You mentioned feeling a last hair thread of feeling for her which seems so confusing and hurtful for you. It makes sense that you are feeling this way, even if you were/are being abused. Relationships are rarely seen as 'all good' or 'all bad' which can make it difficult to end a relationship or stop loving someone, even if you are being treated poorly. It can pass with time but if it doesn't, this is something that you can work on with a therapist 😀
If you are looking for further support, you can always chat to a service like 1800RESPECT. They are there to listen. There is also an article written by Relationships Australia which talks about being a male victim of domestic violence. You might find it comforting to read that you are not alone, even if it might feel like it.
Also, just so you know, I have edited your post to include a trigger warning and spoiler alert, so that the community is aware that some of the content of your post may be triggering.
