@StormySeas17 WHAT I didn't know you were older than me!!! I still have about a year left! I will miss you so much, you've always been so supportive and insightful. I think you really have a gift. What you've said here is genuinely the first piece of advice in a long time that I've been able to nod along with and say "yes, that makes sense, I can look at it that way." What you said about it being ok to hold my beliefs right now even if they may be negative or not objectively factual, and that it doesn't make me 'wrong' for seeing things that way. That is so compassionate and it's like it gives me permission not to fight with myself. Because yes, it's so much thinking and it's so tiring! It's nice to have hope that with time and new experiences I'll be able to see things differently, rather than trying to force myself to adopt different beliefs right now. It's not that simple anyway, is it? Whatever I believe is based on how being in the world feels to me. I can't pick up some shiny new positive beliefs out of nowhere when I'm in the middle of a major struggle. I wouldn't be very convinced by them. But at the same time you're very right to point out that beliefs aren't static and I don't have to consider myself doomed just because I'm seeing things negatively right now.
Thanks for sharing a bit about your path to accepting your mental health and reminding me that it takes time. You're right, the ADHD diagnosis is only about 4 months old and as for the rest of it, this is the first time in my life I'm actually looking it all in the face to its full extent. So it's probably pretty reasonable to be scared, angry, confused, exhausted, etc. I like that volunteering helped you and it reminds me of a thought I recently had about how I'd love to work for a queer organisation. Something about, having this part of you that has made life difficult, and then taking that experience to a place where that part of you is the reason you have such a rich and valuable contribution. Yeah 🙂 Anyway, this conversation has really put me in a place much closer to neutral acceptance. I'm so grateful.
Let's see, something that has worked recently... I've been going through my days asking myself "what do you need right now?" or "what could you do right now?" and trying to just accept the answer. If I asked myself "could you go out for a walk?" and the answer was no, I'd try to take that and then say "alright, could you stand on the balcony for a minute?" and make it smaller and smaller until I found whatever it felt like I could do. That has gotten me through so far!
