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Hi@Emma2010 

It sounds like you're trying really hard to discern what a healthy relationship looks like and I know that differs from person yo person. I'm so sorry that's left you feeling so out of control, I can't imagine how uncomfortable it is to sit with those feelings! From what I've read it sounds like you're having difficulty defining the boundaries of your relationship and I wonder if this is a conversation you might need to have with your boyfriend? It's important that he understands your anxiety means you ruminate on certain things hence why the lying leaves you feeling so uneasy. Addressing what actions make you feel insecure might help him understand why his actions are so important and something you can both work on together. Have you ever told him about your insecure attachment? Having an open, honest discourse might help you both understand what you both need to work on. Don't despair to much about this though because all relationships are a work in progress! Have you ever spoken to anyone about your worries? I think the more you talk about it the easier it becomes to understand what both your needs are in the relationship and you can come up with goals to work on together. Communication is really key and you're on the right path by asking these questions!