I've been through a lot. I've struggled with mental health my whole life and it runs in my family. Although life is full of ups and downs it continues and I think I need to appreciate that. I've always viewed living as a chore and I still do. I also struggled in the past with self harm and suicidal thoughts/attempts. I have been self harm free for a while now and my meltdowns have become much less frequent. I am looking after myself and have supports who help me to maintain that. I've decided to start taking care of myself. Meditation, breathing, journaling, and saying positive affirmations are all things I'm trying to incorporate into my life more and more everyday. I have and still do believe everyone hates me. No matter where I am or how many times I am reassured I will never truely believe anyone accepts or likes me for who I am, not even my partner who I am closest to. I don't like myself and that tends to make me very quiet or very hypo which annoys people and leaves me feeling judged and worried. I read into peoples tone of voice and the way they phrase things far too much and end up convincing myself that people are annoyed at me when it's entirely untrue, I can't help it and it's a part of my mental health journey which I am working on. I also have an extreme fear of abandonment and tend to self sabotage and push people away. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and have been on a roller coaster journey of anti depressants but I am grateful to say the new medication I am on are doing great and I am feeling better. I have also struggled heavily with drug use which at one point had taken over my life, hurt my relationships and my future plans. I am now sober and have upcoming plans for how I am going to progress onto the next stage of my future and am very excited to see where that takes me. Another thing is sexuality. My parents have told me from a very young age that being bisexual isn't valid and is just made up for people who want to make others uncomfortable or take their pick of the lot (which is totally untrue). Although I haven't come out to them, or many others yet, I can say I have told a few people that I am closest with and have been accepted without judgement. I don't have friends, family or many supports I feel close too which is a struggle. After saying all this I would like this to be a positive and that is why today is day 1 of my mental health and self care journey. Today I just wanted to share my story, in future, I hope to inspire, motivate and help others. Although it may seem like i got through everything very easily (which it was not), this is only a glimpse into a much bigger story. I am so proud of how much I have achieved and although in the moment the small achievements don't seem like much, they are. Sending positivity, love and happiness to everyone. Thank you for reading this.
-Anonymous
