@Red_Flamingo
Especially since her comments were unprovoked and harmful enough to ruin your entire week ...I really hope your team leader/NUM are supportive and address your concerns because no one should be made to feel attacked at work.
I can see how much energy you're putting into trying to feel better, and I'm sorry things aren't working out how you want them to at the moment. But I'm glad to hear that you managed to get through to KHL and you have open lines of communication with both your KHL regular and psychologist, if you need them.
There are many things frustrating, demoralising and exhausting about dealing with depression and both of the things you mentioned (feeling like you're not making progress and a lack of motivation) is really up there on the list. Honestly motivation and self care (even eating meals etc) is one of the things I used to struggle with the most. It almost feels like you're completely inert and you can't find any energy to do anything at all. It's so hard and I still struggle with it time to time.
During these times I'd really scale down my expectations for the day and what I considered an achievement. One meal is better than nothing, reading for 5 mins is better than nothing. I also tried to be a little more self-compassionate. That really helped because I think the shame of "not even being able to do the basic things" + complete lack of reward for doing things was contributing to my lack of motivation. So instead, I expected setbacks and that some days/weeks would be bad, that falling off my routines from time to time was inevitable. And that's okay. But the most important part was the trying to get back on it. When I accepted that there'd be set backs, the amazing thing was eventually the length of the setback became shorter and affected me less. For the reward part I made an effort to keep a notebook of my achievements for the day, even if they were super small (had a snack, meditated for 5 mins) I'd write it down in that notebook. I'd pretend I was talking to a friend and hype the hell out of every single task I did and the smallest of differences it made to my mood or day or even if it affected someone else in some positive way "mum seemed really happy I made dinner today, it must've been a relief for her after such a stressful day at work". It felt really weird at first but I stuck with it and it started to help because I was seeing things I was doing could actually make a difference. And just like negative things can spiral, the small positive actions I was taking built momentum.
You said you you're usually pretty good with self-care, can I ask what you usually do to keep yourself sticking to your routines or stay motivated on the better days? Any tips for me? 😊
