Your exoerience ressonates with my own experiences. I too had dififculties with public speaking. I would be extremely nervous and anxious during class presentations or even group discussions.
And yes, I have also had a number of embarassing events where I had messed up while speaking publicly, inlcuding a class debate and blanking out in a monologue.
I can understand your fear and concerns...It is natural to feel in a way when you have such experiences.
What I have learnt through these experiences is that the more you fear it, the more it affects you. I know this may sound like an unrealistic fairy tale but it's something that I have noticed.
You mentioned about delivering monologues. That is indeed a challenging task. I have performed on stage as an actor as well as a dancer. One thing that works for me is to forget yourself- or at least be indulged in the act so much that it does not occur to you that you are publicily speaking.
Your thoughts affect you more than you think. I always have the background music in my mind (if there is background music)...or I think of it as another dance performance (dancing is something I do too, so it kinda helps).
WIth regards to your monologue here some things that I have tried:
1.) learn the monologue properly
when you know something really well it kinda helps you with controlling your nerves. It always gives me the assurance that I am prepared. You van also try to write out the lines to memorise it..
BUT DO NOT CRAM!
try to understand the context, what you are saying and the purpose of that monologue. If you understand why and what you are saying, you be abl eto memorise the order of the lines...the worst thing is cramming things then forgetting the order and speaking incomprehsible things that do not make sense...and this can happen when you are extremely nervous and do not understand the lines.
2.) Practice your monologue loudly in front of the mirror
Listening to yourself helps alot. You feel more confident with your own voice.
It is extremely important to feel confident with your own voice as sometimes hearing yourself can give you a scare once your mind becomes over-conscious in front of people...
Also, when you practice by saying things, you also tend to note where and which part to emphasize or fluctutate or change in tone...and it really really helps in remembering..You get an indication which part comes after what.
You can also see your body language in front of the mirror too. Remember that it's not only what you speak but how you do it! This is especially more important in monolougues since the attention of the audience shifts to you (do what is appropriate for the character,don't overdo it...I know it is very tempting, but be natural😝)
3.) Pace your words and breathe!
(this depends on the type of monologue) the main idea is that you don't want your nerves to affect your breathing and speaking pace. If it is an intense impactful scene, make use of the pauses. It gives you a moment to think what is next (but don't get carried away with thinking what its next since you'll also have to be in the moment to notice cues).
4.) Practice on stage
-get a run through on the stage (if possible) or mentally picture where you will be performing and how you will be using the space.
-if you are using a hand mic or a lapel it is really impoartant to prcatice with them before going on stage (I'm not sure if this will apply in your current case but thing of it as a bonus tip for the future acts if you do ever perform on stage).
-It can be even scary to hear your voice eco so you'll need to get a practice to set effects up (if you' re using them).
And never forget to turn lapels on or check if they are on before speaking..
The main thing is to prepsre yourself as much as you can and then just swtich to the character when the time comes...Having that moment of concentration before the show starts is something I cannot stress enough about. It is those final moments hwne you can do a full run through of everything in your head. This will also prepare you to get that switch into character when the time comes..
It's all about learning how you do things best to control your nerves and working your way through. I'm sure the experineces you've had would have been good lessons for your future public speaking.
If you'd like to talk more about monologues or public speaking I am more than happy to talk about it,
Take care,
You can do it!
