Hi Ultramarine,
Thanks for reaching out and opening up about your experiences. I'm sorry to hear that you've been experiencing these struggles for over a year now and that they have caused you so much hurt. I want to say that you should be proud of your resilience and self-awareness of what's making you feel this way, and your courage to reach out for help.
You mentioned that you've found some reasons as to why you're feeling down, including mixing with the wrong people and having toxic friends and interactions with people. Could I ask what you mean by the wrong people? How have you been managing these experiences? I'm glad to hear that you have a trusted friend that you can lean on in this time, and have been able to connect with about how you're feeling.
It must have been very upsetting to hear your parents say that what you're experiencing is just puberty and mood swings when you finally worked up the courage to talk to them to get help. It's incredibly invalidating to have your experiences dismissed and be told that you have no reason to be sad. I'm sorry to hear that your parents are against your identity too, I imagine that this would make it more difficult to open up to them. I'm not sure if you've discussed your identity with your parents, but we have a resource here on dealing with homophobia if you're interested.
I think contacting a school counsellor is a great idea. A professional may be able to help you understand what you're experiencing in a safe and supportive space. Do you think you'd feel comfortable arranging that? In the meantime, we have an article here on depression here if you'd like to have a read.
We've also sending you an email to check-in, so keep an eye out for that.
