Hey @Ultramarine I am so sorry that your experiences of opening up about what you're going through have been so invalidating. Your friend is right, thoughts of ending your life are hardly just 'mood swings'. This trusted friend sounds like a very good egg, I'm glad you have them beside you. It really sounds like the people you've had around you have indeed been pretty toxic, so it's no surprise that your mood has reflected that. Same with realising you're bi, and knowing that it wouldn't be received well by your family - that's such a tough spot to be in.
You're not alone in feeling like you can't open up to your parents about your sexuality. I think it's very fair if you're not ready to tell them yet. Coming out is a process, and you get to do it on your terms, no one else's. The article Stormy linked could still very much be helpful, especially if you do decide to tell them some time down the track. If you're ever looking for extra support with that process, or just with sexuality stuff in general, you can always give the folks over at QLife a buzz.
Also love that you've been journalling, and engaging in creative writing with your friend as well! Sounds very wholesome.
You are doing the right thing by talking to folks about what you're experiencing - sometimes it's just about finding the right people who will listen without judgement and help you better understand your experiences.
