Hi @Alx
It sounds like you're in a really confusing and difficult situation with love and this person. It's hard when you don't know exactly what is going on and don't know whether to keep waiting or to move forward with your life. The way you describe wanting to be patient but also not unfair to him shows you are a very caring person, and I'm sorry to hear that it's been making you feel uncomfortable, numb and overwhelmed. At the same time, I can see that you're trying to look after yourself first and that's a great way to be. Does he know that you've been waiting on him to reply?
As @Carnation_Snail has already mentioned, I was wondering if you've found that anything helps your negative feelings go away while you're waiting to find out what's happening in this relationship? Sometimes it helps to distract ourselves or otherwise give space for the emotions to pass. This article we have on coping skills has some suggestions which may help you take your mind off what's going on. I was also curious if you have any friends or family that you've been able to talk you through this with and how you might approach the situation? Sometimes letting someone else know what's going on can help give the clarity you need.
It may take a bit of time, but you'll get through this.
