Hey @SwiggitySwoog
It sounds like things are difficult at the current moment. Look, being 16 is hard. It’s just an awkward time in development and everything is so complicated. I’m sorry to hear that you don’t feel loved. It’s hard to have people physically be there but still having the sense of being alone. It sounds like that might be a lack of connection. Is there anyone you feel connected too and who you feel loves you? Can you bring up your fears/thoughts you’ve been having with your friends? They might be able to give you some reassurance.
Handling emotions well comes naturally for some and is a great challenge for others. Emotion regulation is also continually developed even during adulthood. You really can’t have it figured out at 16. You’ll continue to learn techniques that work for you (and I’m sure you already have). If what works for you is “immature” or different that’s perfectly okay. There’s no right way to do things.
Would you be able to talk about this with F and/or Z? It might be helpful to get some clarity on what is going on or what they want you to do. It’s really easy for things to be miscommunicated especially if you have difficulty with understanding social situations (I speak from experience).
If you think autism is something that might fit, look into it (if you haven’t already). There’s a whole bunch of questionnaires (like the aspie quiz) that might be able to provide clarification or at least some indication of what’s going on. If you’re concerned about ‘just putting it on’, ask yourself: do I behave like this when no one else is around? If the answer is yes, you probably aren’t. Even if you are unable to get a diagnosis due to your mum’s opinions, having an understanding for yourself might make a world of difference.
It is confusing but it will become easier and easier. Find what works for you and try not to worry too much about being ‘normal.’ Normal is not morally superior, it’s just one of the multitude of options.
