Hi @Bel_RO
Thank you. I really appreciate you saying that. She was a very special person indeed to a lot of people. She was very stubborn at times, but that was forgotten because she always knew how to put a smile on my face. Gosh, I think this is a bit raw as I'm writing this. It's making me cry. I will very much miss our relationship. She just understood me so much better than my parents did. I will be forever grateful for having her in my life. One special thing that happened as I got older at the Myer Christmas party was if you were a Myer one member, you got invited. I would get the Myer bear for her as she liked to collect them to save time for Poppy I would get it. This year, when I went, I got the bear, and I had to leave it at my parent's place as I couldn't fit it in my bag and they just sent it over with a few other things, and I got it yesterday so it will have a great memory attached to it.
I think after the funeral I felt she was alive, but seeing her in the box yesterday (on Facetime), I think, made it more real that she is really gone, which hurts a lot. I don't think I've cried about her properly since the funeral, and one time, I heard her voice from a recording a couple of years ago. It's so hard to imagine someone being alive and then being dead. When I went and saw her it was so hard. I'd never seen someone dead before, so it was a bit of a shock. It's just the concept of how in July she was so full of life to September her dying is hard to fathom. The last time I saw her was at the wedding when she was so happy and doing really well. I spoke on the phone to her a few times, and the second last one was about a week before she died. She was worried about dying, but I said you have got a long time left. Then, the last time I spoke to her, she thought I was with one of my cousins when he was in a different state. I told her I'd be there on Friday to see her, but I didn't arrive in time. That's the one thing I don't like is I didn't get to say goodbye to her while she was alive even if she didn't understand or recognize me. I think that part is more for me.
I will go and see her one day when I go back home. I hope I'll be able to go out on my own so I can have a chat with her. I hope she is looking down on me, and in heaven, she did so much good for the world.
Anyway, sorry, that was a long spill. I think I needed that.
I would like to go to the gym today, and I need to tidy up my room. I think I'll need to try and compose myself a bit. I'm still crying.
