Thank you for your post @Iron . it's not an easy task discussing family conflict, however, I commend you for doing so. It's so tough having issues with a parent and it's extremely valid that you still want a relationship with him despite him being so nasty. He's your father, he is supposed to be a huge support system and shows you unconditional love so there is always a longing to be shown this when he isn't.
I agree with what @Lapis_Anteater mentioned, it is hard to form a relationship with someone who doesn't want the same. To hear such degrading insults from your father when you're just trying to help him is a terrible feeling. It's even more difficult when said parent has a terminal illness as it may feel like you're losing time to mend the relationship.
Please know that this is not your fault. Your father is a grown adult and is responsible for his words and actions. You are doing all that you can and more to show that you want a relationship with him and that itself shows a great sense of character. Good on you for standing your ground and calling out his unnecessary comments. I know from personal experience how hard it is to stand up for yourself, especially to an intimidating parent. In my opinion, you shouldn't stop yourself from standing up for yourself just to not make him angry. Continuing to stand up for yourself, shows:
- You are aware of how you should be treated.
- You are not allowed to be treated badly and it shows that you are not a punching bag for your father's problems.
- That you're a brave and strong person.
However, standing up for yourself can also mean not reacting to his negative words and showing that they don't impact you (even though they do). As @Lapis_Anteater said, he may get a thrill out of getting you to react. By not giving him a reaction, you don't give him this pleasure.
Like @Bel_RO mentioned, continue to reach out to peer support groups such as this as well as more professional support like ReachOut's Peer Chat and Headspace when possible. I believe it will be helpful to regularly chat about how you're feeling and get support from others who care strongly about your well-being as well as from those with similar experiences.
If you haven't already, you could look into Centrelink payments for some financial assistance. You could apply for Youth Allowance if you have a full-time study load and are under 24 years of age. There is also Jobseeker.
Please update us on any future developments, we would love to hear about them and support you in any way that we can❤️
