Hi guys,
This is my first time on here, so bear with me with these things. Thanks for understanding. I've been really struggling with depression and loneliness lately, and I don't know how to navigate through this. I think I have problems with meeting new friends and new dates.
Lately, I have felt like I did not connect with my friends at all, saving for a few friends. I have tried hard to balance between my work, meetings and hangouts with friends. A good side of my work is currently I'm doing a WFH intern position, so me scheduling time to go out with friends can be pretty flexible, but I don't think it has worked out in favour for me. For context, I have always been the one to initiate meetups or chats with friends (I'd say a safe 90% of the time). I don't mind being the more active one, but over time, things have started to wear on me. I understand that people can have really busy lives, but at times, I felt like me being active was taken for granted. At the same time, I feel like I don't have the rights to complain about this, because, why would I be entitled to other people's time? I started to not feel enthusiastic meeting new people anymore. Especially recently, so many times I have tried to schedule meetups to only end up with constantly getting cancelled or stood up.
Dates for me have not been well either. I'm bisexual and I was only comfortable with it for a few years (my attraction leaning more towards guys than girls and non-binaries, so I've mostly only gone on dates with guys). A lot of times, texts have not been more than 10 lines before the other person ghosted me completely, not even a chance to meet up in person. Other times, they just straight up went for a sexual remark that I felt grossed out. I'm even more tired to feel that I want to keep up the communication, so I spent more effort to keep the conversations alive, to no avail. Went through a big heartbreak at the start of this year.
I'm just tired of it all. All I want nowadays is that people that I care for also care for me back. Not even some big things, just some small gestures such as asking me about my days, and sharing small thoughts, even those feel like it's too much to ask for. My friend told me to not give up and eventually you'll find those are right for you, but I'm so tired of keeping this going. A lot of times, I just wanted to cry when dealing with my loneliness, but I just couldn't. Can anyone offer some thoughts or advices for me? Even a simple chat would be nice.
Thanks guys.
