Hiya,
This is my first post on here so please be kind as what I'm about to say may sound awful.
Me (F23) and my bf (M24) have been in a LDR for nearly 3 years and we've only met once. We've only video chatted twice and we rarely voice chat. Our relationship has been completely founded by texting. I come from a strict culture that only allows a relationship if both parties are intending marriage - meaning neither of our parents knew.
A bit of lore about him, he has a dislocated shoulder from birth. He had surgery that replaced his entire shoulder joint into a metal ball. Due to this, he was permanently home in recovery, with physio regularly. However, this also caused him to let go of his body as he was not doing much physical excersise. He also suffers from chronic fatigue which makes him tired all of the time.
When we first started talking, he felt like the one - until a year in, I noticed hesitation about mentioning the future, he hated when I brought it up. I flew out to see him 2 years in, he told me he felt weird, that there was no spark, that I wasn't what he expected... To be frank this first meeting was absolutely awful. He did not act like someone who loved me. He didn't get me flowers like he promised, he barely even hugged me...
So we took a break because I needed some time to think, we had said 'I love you' by that point and I was completely humiliated. He had told me that he built up the expectation that he was ready to tell his parents but after meeting, it turned him off. After 2 weeks, we started talking again and he was more intentional, with everything - he voiced his emotions more, and I would check in with him every now and then, How he was feeling about the relationship and things were looking up from that point. He started studying again after so long, and was excited about doing something for himself again. I mentioned a job to help his family, such as online tutoring and the idea kind of hovered but not developed. So, I left it.
So what's my contention you ask? We have not video chatted once even after bringing it up repeatedly. I organised a virtual date twice, and he had a bad migraine so when I tried to organise again there was another excuse so I let it go. He promised to come and see me this year and there's been no development, (I warned him if he doesn't, it's the end of our relationship so he understands the importance) He told me he wanted to spend some more spiritual time together so when I try to secure a date in the calendar, he always says he's hot sure because a family member may be in his room. At first, I felt like I was being hard on him, after everything he's gone through, this is the last thing he needs. But, there's 2 people in this relationship... I have given so much and received very little... After over 2 years, I'm just tired... What if we meet again and he feels weird...no spark? Every idea I would present to him for our next meeting, he always has something negative to say..."You know with my arm I can't do that for that long". When I follow it up with what would you like to do - he says "I don't know". If he wanted to, he would, I don't feel that and I don't deserve that.
This is the first time I'm having doubts about this relationship, I don't know what to do - and I don't know what I'm doing.
Am I the bad guy?
