Hi@TankRadical
What you are feeling is so relatable!! I understand how hard it is to constantly be thinking about your actions/thoughts because of how worried you feel with how that may reflect on others.
you mentioned that you worry about who to open up to, so i just want to say thank you for opening up to us. It can be a very difficult thing to do!
Like what @Rara said, to what to improve is such an amazing thing and it is definitely a goal that I have as well. What I like to try to remind myself is that I am young and this is my first time living to. I will make mistakes and all I can do is learn and grow from them. This is easier said than done but the more I reminded myself, the more grace I could give myself for when i 'mess' up. Is this something that would work for you?
I think this would be a really good conversation as well to have with your friends - I am sure they are seeing the effort you are putting into yourself. They may be able to give you some reassurance that may help to ease the worry you are feeling about this.
I understand how hard it is to not want to make many mistakes or to make sure you are living up to your full potential, it is something that is on my mind as well. And again, a reminder I like to try to give myself often is that we are only young and improving ourself is something that will just take time.
I think journaling is a very good idea, I have found that it helps me to express my thoughts and feelings in a way that can help me understand them better. I think journaling is a very personal thing and using 'i' isn't a red flag - it is your journal and you are allowed to talk about yourself in it. A suggestion I have is maybe instead of writing 'i', could writing in third person or even writing a made up name make you feel better?
I hope you are feeling better today but just remember that this is a journey, and we are here for you.
