I hear you, and I really want to acknowledge how much you’re carrying. It sounds like you’re doing a lot of heavy lifting emotionally—always trying to be better, constantly questioning yourself, wondering if you’re doing enough, or if you’re doing things right. It’s really understandable to feel this way, especially at 22, where there’s a lot of pressure to have everything figured out, to be the perfect friend, family member, partner, and person. But I really want to remind you that it’s okay to not have it all together, and it’s okay to have moments where you feel like you’re not measuring up, even when you’re trying your hardest. You're human, and sometimes being human means feeling like you're never doing enough. But that doesn't mean you're not doing enough.
The fact that you're actively thinking about how to show up for the people you care about speaks volumes about how much love and care you have to offer. Wanting to be your best self is beautiful, but it can also be exhausting. And constantly monitoring your own behavior, looking out for red flags, can create this unending loop of self-doubt and anxiety. You mentioned you're always trying to be more mindful, but it can be hard to stay present when you're always five steps ahead, analysing every action or word. It's like trying to run a race and check if you're in the right lane at the same time. It's okay to give yourself space to be imperfect. It doesn’t mean you're not trying, and it doesn’t mean you're not enough.
You mentioned feeling like you're “self-absorbed” when journaling, but honestly, I think you might be a little too hard on yourself about that. Writing about yourself in your journal isn’t inherently selfish—it’s a way for you to process your thoughts and feelings. It’s how you make sense of everything going on inside. And honestly, being self-reflective in the way you're describing is such a sign of self-awareness and growth. You want to help others, and that’s wonderful, but it’s just as important to care for yourself. If you’re not checking in with you, you’ll eventually feel drained—and that’s something no one wants.
About your friends and relationships, it sounds like you're in this space where you care so much about being there for them, but you're unsure if you're enough for them, or if they’ll see how hard you're trying. Trust that those who truly value you will see your efforts, even if they can’t always express it in the exact way you want them to. It’s okay to want to be admired, to want validation for all the good things you bring to the table—it doesn't make you selfish. You're human.
As for opening up to others, I completely get the worry of feeling like you're being “too much” or that it might overwhelm someone. But the right people—the ones who truly care about you—will want to be there for you, just like you want to be there for them. It’s all about finding a balance, and sometimes it takes time to figure out who those people are. But don’t ever feel like you’re asking for too much, because your emotions and experiences matter just as much as anyone else’s.
It’s totally okay to not have all the answers, to feel uncertain, or to not feel "perfect." What you're doing—trying to improve, trying to be mindful, trying to care—is enough. And even on the days when it feels like you’re too much or not enough, I want you to remember that you are worthy of love, respect, and care. You don’t need to be perfect to be loved or to be enough.
I hope you can give yourself a little grace. You’re already doing so much, and it’s more than enough. You are enough, just as you are. 😊
