Hi everyone! My name is Bel. I’m here to share my mental health journey in the hopes that you can learn something new or feel a little less alone experiencing loneliness and seeking connection.
My journey navigating Loneliness and Connection
My journey began shortly after finishing high school. The friendships that I had began to drift as each person became busy with TAFE, University or full-time work. We all became so focused on what we were doing that we didn’t put any effort into maintaining friendships. Having nobody to talk to and nobody to hang out with, it made me feel really lonely and disconnected.
Exams and study
When I started University I had hope of seeking new connections by making new friends. I did meet a lot of new people but struggled with connecting with any of them. I felt this was mainly because they already had a solid relationship with their own friends outside of Uni, which I didn’t have. Once again, those feelings of loneliness continued as I was focused on studying and I felt like I didn’t have any time to seek new connections outside of uni.
Relationships and friendships
Between the time I finished high school and began uni, I began dating someone. In this relationship I have felt connected and that void of loneliness has somewhat disappeared. However, I have had him as my only friend and he was the only person that I felt connected to. My partner had a few groups of friends, so he would go out with his friends often, and form connections along the way. This was hard as I had no friends and nobody outside of my relationship to connect with. The connections my partner has made are deep, they’re reciprocated and they share a number of interests and hobbies. In contrast, this is where I have struggled with connecting with others as I found myself sharing minimal interests and hobbies with other people in the past, which made conversations hard. I also found that my efforts to create a connection were often not reciprocated by others at the same time. This made the feelings of loneliness really strong, despite being in a loving and supportive relationship. I made sure to communicate this with my partner and reassure him that it’s nothing personal.
Work
During this time, I was also navigating a casual job while studying. This time, I thought for sure I would make friends at work. It was tough at first, but after getting to know a few people I became friends with two girls. They were already best friends though which made me feel like a third wheel most of the time. Part of me was just happy to have friends, someone outside of my family and relationship to talk to and connect with. Over time I have been able to better connect with these girls and have formed a great friendship. We go out together on occasion as we are all busy doing different things in life, but I am so happy to have found a connection with others. Although we share different interests and hobbies, we do have a few life experiences in common and share a joy of food which was the basis of our friendship.
Summary
Overall, the feelings of loneliness are still there from time to time. The way that I manage them is by reaching out to my friends and just having a casual chat with them, catching up on what we’ve been up to. Another thing I like to do is write in my journal and practice gratitude to reinforce how far I have come and all the amazing things in my life that I am grateful for.
I hope hearing my journey can help you feel less alone and know that connections take time but you will form them! If you’re experiencing loneliness and are finding it difficult to form connections, you’re not alone. You can find out more about Loneliness here and check out this amazing discussion on Loneliness here.
