Hi all.  I'm in a familiar rut that I don't like. Except my life is in an OK spot for once. Sort of.   Living for myself (for the sake of control) is making me exhausted. Not literally socially isolated, but at home I'm over my family and even though one of my goals is to move out once I've saved enough, I now have doubt it'll fix me instantly.   How are you meant to deal with anything slightly negative in a relationship (any kind)? Something goes wrong and I'm freaking out - for example while camping recently, one morning was spent tearing our hair out trying to find our car keys*, and even though we got home, the stress took the shine off the trip, and my less than stellar memory got me worried. Am I still her friend? How on earth do couples have arguments and not split? Ok, some do, but some manage to be together.   I haven't gone through any breakups, by the way, nor have I been heartbroken in another form. But the walls & guard I naturally have, why isn't it working? It's a rinse & repeat of me feeling OK for a few weeks then felt awful & feel like breaking down in a week.   It's more of a home thing as I'm alone at home, but I'm not as bad when I'm at work for example. But I hate being vulnerable, yet I naturally keep a close grip on most things I do - not just emotions. My energy has slowly declined to, despite getting a decent amount of sleep and any caffeine I might be getting. Where to from here?    *This happened at a music festival we went to together. While we did find them - locked in the back of the car - that morning wasn't that great, obviously     ... View more

I've been lonely for ages. Only now have I realised living isolated isn't the best way of living but I'm clunky around people. Thing is I didn't want to be around people in my teens, but in my mid 20s I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's got to a point where I wanted to ditch my previous job to be a postman. The title is a mix of feedback from my former employer & my psychiatrist. I've been described "like a woman" where others have to read between the lines, whatever that means, and also described as looking Russian...yeah really. I'm not overly emotional unless it's extre me, I'm hardly vocal, and I find myself running into imaginary brick walls when I'm talking to someone. I can't express myself - even when things are OK - and I don't have anything to say most of the time. And small talk...eugh.   I'm pretty anxious socially since I have troubles connecting with anyone - I've always wanted to know what it's like in a serious relationship, romantic or not - or interviewing. I'm slightly paranoid in certain situations that I'm off-putting in the rare times I've actually gone out (alone), and at work I'm mostly avoidant.   The worst feeling I would get was Friday after work, believe it or not - It's where the loneliness & anxiety hit hardest. Ideally I'd like to be at the very least more charasmatic, so is there any advice? ... View more