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queenP
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since
15-01-2019
07-12-2019
535
Posts
1014
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07-12-2019
10:34 AM
7 Kudos
Thanks for feeling as though you could talk to me about this @Bananatime04, I know that discussing your sexuality can be very personal and difficult, especially when you aren't 100% sure. In terms of what to do and how to tell for sure, my biggest piece of advice would be to take some time to just sit with the idea of being bisexual on your own. When I realised I was a lesbian, I felt quite daunted and unsure and strange too, but the more I explored what this might mean on my own, the better and more confident I felt that this was my identity. In terms of 'exploring' my identity, I tended to watch videos on Youtube with same-sex couples, and read stories about same-sex relationships as this was something I really enjoyed. Other times, I would spend time imagining myself with girls that I liked from school and what a relationship with them would look like. During this time, I tried not to interrogate what my feelings meant too much, I just did what made me happy and went from there. Eventually, I was able to group these positive feelings towards women together and classify them as 'attraction', but that took some time. I would highly recommend that you don't put too much pressure on yourself to find a label that suits you immediately - when you know, you'll know. With regard to telling people, and particularly your parents, my advice would be to do this in your own time when you feel comfortable with who you are. While my experience may not be the same as yours, I found it helpful to take some to sit with my sexuality before telling some people. This gave me the space to love who I was before I had to battle with other people's opinions of whether it was right or wrong. I think this was potentially the most useful thing that I did in the process of coming out - I initially tried to come out very early, before I had personally accepted that I was a lesbian and was comfortable with that identity. I'm glad that I didn't tell too many people, because the few years that came after this gave me the chance to grow, build confidence, and learn to like myself for who I was. In terms of discussing your sexuality with your parents, this is a tricky one. I personally have a very strong relationship with my parents and I knew that they didn't have a problem with homosexuality, so I was very lucky. However, I recognise that not everyone is this fortunate, and even if they are, coming out is still a scary experience. Do you feel as though you could discuss this with your parents? If not, is there someone else you trust that you feel comfortable discussing it with? When it comes to coping with people's opinions of being same-sex attracted, there will always be people that support you, people that don't, and people that surprise you. No matter how anyone in your life responds to the idea of you being bisexual, there is a whole community of people out here who love and accept you for who you are, no matter who that may be. With regard to RO, this is a LGBTQIA+ friendly space, so you can always feel welcome here. Overall, my advice is this: take your time, and enjoy the experience of learning who you are. There is nothing to be embarrassed about when it comes to exploring your sexuality - this is an incredibly normal experience. Be kind to yourself during this process, and try not to judge your feelings, impulses or thoughts, because whatever happens and whatever comes up, you are worthy of love and belonging.Thanks again for reaching out, and if there's anything else you'd like to ask, please don't hesitate to reach out xx
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04-12-2019
06:20 PM
3 Kudos
Thanks @Eden1717, those tips were really helpful. I am sorry that you can empathise with this situation, but thank you so much for the advice xx
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04-12-2019
05:47 PM
5 Kudos
Hi everyone! I haven't logged on in quite a while, as I have had a huge and emotionally draining month filled with a range of positives and negatives. To catch everyone up, here's what has been happening for me: I have had uni exams, which were a bit stressful, but mostly okay. I wrote my very first thesis on LGBTQIA+ issues, and I am really proud of my work! I have a new job! I am currently being trained as a Peer Support Worker at a suicide recovery unit. I am incredibly excited to work in this area, as it is something that I am deeply passionate about and is a step closer to a full-time career in mental health, which is my end goal. I was hit by a car during my exam period. Fortunately, I wasn't injured too badly - no broken bones, just a lot of soft tissue damage. Despite being so very lucky, it is safe to say that it shook me up a bit. I reconnected with my best friend from high school! I haven't spoken to her in 4 years, as we had quite a difficult relationship towards graduation, but I finally got the courage to reach out to her and explain my version of why we weren't friends anymore and how she had hurt me in the past. This conversation, while highly emotional, was also incredibly productive! We are planning to see each other over the Christmas break, which is nerve-wracking, but exciting as well. Finally, a few days ago, a friend of mine attempted suicide. She survived and is recovering well, but I have been rocked by the experience. I have never lost anyone or had anyone close to me attempt suicide before, and it was quite difficult to process emotionally. It felt as though the joy had been sucked out of life for a few days there. I went to see my friend in hospital a few times, which was great, but I have also been cat-sitting, and seeing her apartment was quite triggering for various reasons that I won't discuss in detail. I am feeling okay now, but am keeping a close eye on my mental health just to monitor how I progress. That's a lot of information. I guess my questions for other people would be: Have you ever supported a friend who has attempted suicide? How did you look after yourself during this time? How do you balance other people's needs with your own? How do you overcome and process difficult experiences?
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04-12-2019
05:37 PM
4 Kudos
Hey @Bananatime04! How are you? I'm sorry I haven't logged on in a while, but I thought of you today. I hope things are going well for you, and if they aren't too great, I hope we can talk about it together. I've missed you!
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04-12-2019
05:34 PM
2 Kudos
I am looking forward to taking my girlfriend home for Christmas. She has met my family already and they all love her, but it will be great to walk through my hometown as an openly gay person and feel proud and comfortable with who I am, maybe for the very first time really.
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14-10-2019
09:20 PM
3 Kudos
Hi @Bananatime04, thanks for checking in! The new house is going really well. It took some work getting all of our furniture in, and then it took some getting used to living without my parents, but things are good!
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30-09-2019
10:48 AM
2 Kudos
Hi @Maryhadalittlelamb, I don't think we have spoken before on RO, but I just read through your thread and I think there is a chance we have a lot in common. I can empathise with the feeling of putting other people's needs before my own to the extent that it becomes draining - I find it really hard to put myself first too. I'm sorry that your experience with your counsellor left you feeling numb and sad, it can be disheartening to reach out for help and still feel down. I don't know what you're going through exactly, and I won't say I know what it feels like, because everyone's experience is different, but here are a few words based on my own experience. I know what it feels like to wake up in the throws of a rough patch that seems to have lasted in a long time, and it is really hard. But I also know that life is comprised of rough patches and smooth patches, ups and downs. This gives me hope when I'm in a dark place, because I know that this feeling, while painful and disheartening, is only temporary. I make a concerted effort to think of the times when I have felt differently, when things haven't felt so hard, because I know that life can be like that again. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, it won't feel so hard. I also know that reaching out for help and talking to others is one of the most difficult, but important, things you can do, so you should be very proud of yourself for reaching out for help and support. Connection with others can be difficult, especially when you feel like your friends are toxic and negative. Are there any people in your life right now that you trust that you feel you can lean on for support? I hope you know that I, and the whole RO community, are behind you, every step of the way. You sound like such a giver, which is a beautiful an generous thing, so I hope that we can repay you for your kindness and support you too. Thinking of you x
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30-09-2019
10:37 AM
4 Kudos
Hey @Bananatime04, I'm sorry to hear that you had a bit of a breakdown, but way to go for using your coping strategies and reaching out to Beyond Blue. It is so fantastic that you know exactly what you need to do and what works for you when things aren't feeling right. I am good! I have packed up all of my belongings and am ready to get the keys to my new apartment in a few days, which is very exciting! I also have a job interview on Wednesday which I am very excited about. Have fun at the movies!
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23-09-2019
12:17 PM
4 Kudos
Oh @Bananatime04, I know how scary that feeling can be. I know for me, it often feels like I am 'compelled' to do something. Pushing against this feeling or ignoring it is difficult, but it was one of the things that helped me break free of my compulsions and the cycle of anxiety and guilt. I would highly recommend that you seek out a psychologist, because the process of arguing against your own mind is best done with the consultation of a professional who knows how to help you. I am also sorry about your dream, that must have been very frightening. When I have dreams that disturb me, I try and rewrite the ending of them in a journal according to what I would have preferred to happen. Would you want to give this a try?
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22-09-2019
09:56 PM
2 Kudos
I've got a little bit of time, what's on your mind? WOOOOO! That is amazing! You should be so incredibly proud of yourself, that is so tough but so great. You are so powerful, it is inspiring.
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22-09-2019
09:51 PM
4 Kudos
1. I had breakfast outside with my Mum, which is really nice because we will only be living in the same city for 2 more weeks 2. I had a lovely baked dinner with my family 3. I get to have an early night to lay in bed and watch movies
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22-09-2019
09:45 PM
2 Kudos
Woohoo! I just wanted to check in and see how you're feeling tonight. I had a read through the stuff I have missed in the thread and I hope you're feeling a little better. The OCD stuff is really hard, but I think it's great that you have some insight into your own thoughts
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22-09-2019
09:41 PM
2 Kudos
Hey @Bananatime04, are you still online?
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18-09-2019
07:47 PM
3 Kudos
Hey @Bananatime04, way to go on starting the new thread! Sorry for the late reply, I haven't logged on for the last few days. I'm sorry to hear that things are a bit tough, I hope today is better. You mentioned that you're experiencing a problem, but that you don't want to talk about it because it hasn't been diagnosed yet. That's completely okay, but if you do want to chat about it, I hope you know your feelings and experiencing are still 100% valid, diagnosis or no diagnosis. Thinking of you tonight xx
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18-09-2019
07:43 PM
3 Kudos
Thanks @letitgo and @Bananatime04, I'm feeling a lot better! I'm starting to pack up my stuff tomorrow, and I get the keys next weekend so I'm feeling good. I have talked to my sister about expectations and who is going to do what, so we are going to get a whiteboard planner so we know each other's schedules and see how we go! I'm sure it will be a trial and error experience.
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11-09-2019
12:05 PM
3 Kudos
Thank you all for the really helpful tips! @dog_lover94 I do get along quite well with my sister, we are best friends so I am sure that we will be able to help each other out when it comes to loneliness. @hellofriend @WheresMySquishy Thank you for all of the advice, I'll be sure to give all those things a try!
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11-09-2019
12:02 PM
2 Kudos
Thanks @Bananatime04! My girlfriend isn't moving in with us, we have only been together for a year so we aren't quite ready for that just yet. Hopefully in a year or 2 we might give that a try. I'm really sorry your counsellor had to cancel your appointment, but don't give up hope! Little inconveniences like that happen all the time, but I'm sure they will be able to reschedule for some other time.
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10-09-2019
09:54 AM
4 Kudos
Hi everyone! I just wanted to start a new thread because my parents have made the decision to move back to our hometown, which means I will be moving out in a few weeks. I'm a little nervous, because I have never lived out of home before, and although I will be living with my sister, I am a bit concerned about loneliness, as well as taking on the responsibility of doing everything for myself (e.g. cooking, cleaning, paying bills) on top of university and work. I like to think I am pretty organised, but I know that added stress can trigger my OCD and I guess I am a little concerned about how I will cope with the change. Does anyone have any advice for living out of home with a mental illness? I would love to hear from someone who may have been through this experience and get their perspective on the highs and lows of moving out and 'adulting' for the first time.
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10-09-2019
09:50 AM
4 Kudos
That's fantastic, I hope things with the school counsellor go well! I'm sorry to hear that things at training were a bit tough and that you've hurt your knee, that must be really painful. I hope things feel a bit better soon. I have been good! Very busy, but good. My parents have decided to move back to our hometown, so my sister and I will be moving out in 4 weeks. I'm a little scared, because I have never lived on my own before, but I am also really excited because this is a big step for me! What's new with you?
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18-08-2019
03:07 PM
2 Kudos
I had a really productive study day I did some cleaning, which made me feel more organised and helped my parents My cat and I are having a snuggle on my bed
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18-08-2019
03:04 PM
4 Kudos
Have you seen a psychologist before? If so, do you have any advice to those who are seeing a psychologist for the first time? I have seen multiple psychologists on multiple occasions, and my biggest piece of advice would be to be totally honest. A psychologist is an objective third party, so they don't (or shouldn't have) judgments on you and the people in your life. It's not like talking to a parent or friend, where you having to worry about how they will react to what you say or the things you're thinking (particularly if it is quite distressing). I find that my best psychology sessions are the ones where I say the things that I am thinking and wouldn't say to anyone else, because this gives my psychologist a deeper understanding of what is going on in my mind. Your psychologist is only as good as the information you give them. My grandmother always says that they are psychologists, not psychics, so they can't read your mind. If there is something bothering you, telling them straight up is often the key to feeling better, because they can't give you coping strategies for problems they can't see or don't know about. With that being said, I completely understand that it is hard to be honest with a complete stranger, and that trust is an essential part of honesty. Seeing a new psychologist for the first time can be really daunting! But, every time I've gone into a new practitioner and spilled my guts, I've felt so much better because their response is never shock and horror - it is most often empathetic and solutions-focused, which is the whole purpose of psychological treatment. Be brave and lean into the discomfort - if you're comfortable, you're not growing.
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18-08-2019
02:58 PM
6 Kudos
Today I practiced self-care by spending some time alone in my room to regroup after having a lot of social activities over the past few days . Us introverts need to recharge!
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18-08-2019
02:57 PM
4 Kudos
Hey @Bananatime04, I just want to congratulate you on reaching out to your step-mum. It's a huge step to talk to someone in your life about your stress, so I hope you are proud of yourself, I know I am! I can completely understand that you'd feel guilty for putting yourself above someone else by breaking up with him. Break ups are always terrible, let alone with the added pressure of this situation. I know that this won't ease the difficulty, but when my Mum was feeling quite responsible for someone else's dangerous actions, my Dad said something very important that changed her perspective on things - "If there was anything you could say or do to stop her from being in danger, you would have done it by now. It's out of your hands". As much as you feel responsible for your boyfriend's safety, the only real person that has the capacity to choose whether someone stays safe or not is the individual themselves. His actions are his alone, as much as you feel responsible, so please be as kind to yourself as you can. You are a good person - I can see that from the way that you care so deeply about his wellbeing - so don't forget it xx
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17-08-2019
04:38 PM
1 Kudo
Hi @lokifish, thanks for getting this thread up and running again! I just went and bought some new books yesterday. I am part-way through Mindset by Carol Dweck, which is about transitioning from a fixed and stagnant mindset to a growth mindset, but I'm feeling a little bogged down by all the seriousness of it. So, I grabbed some fiction to get me back in the reading mood. I'm starting with the Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood - I love dystopian fiction like We and 1984 but I've never read this classic! I also have a copy of If All the Cats Disappeared from the World by Genki Kawamura. It is a Japanese book translated into English, and it follows a protagonist who makes a deal with the devil in order to extend his life after learning he has cancer. For every additional day that the main character receives, he has to choose something to eliminate from the world - it will be as though it never existed. It's very interesting, and really shows what we take for granted. What about everyone else?
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17-08-2019
04:32 PM
4 Kudos
Hi @Bananatime04, I'm so sorry to hear that you're in an unhappy relationship. It must be a lot of pressure to try and cope not only with your own feelings of depression, but trying to be responsible for someone else's at the same time. I'm sorry that he has put so much pressure on you, that is unfair and is certainly not healthy. Can I ask, do you know if your boyfriend is currently seeing counsellor or psychologist? I know that nothing I can say can eliminate the stress and sadness of feeling stuck in a relationship that you don't want to be in, but I am confident that it won't be like this forever. If you don't have feelings for this boy anymore, then there will be a way out eventually. If he is able to find the right help, he will be able to cope with the loss of the relationship, because that is ultimately his problem if he is relying on you as the purpose to his life. I know that the weight and expectation must be enormous right now, have you considered talking to someone in your life about it? I know you're waiting on your appointment, but would you feel comfortable talking to a family member? Perhaps it would be a good idea to try a Kids Helpline webchat or a headspace webchat in the meantime, because I think sharing your feelings and making a plan to help ease the stress you're under could be very helpful. Please know that I am here for you, and that above all else, this is a temporary problem (even though it may not appear that way). There is a way out where you can live happily, so please hold onto hope and try to stay safe xx
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17-08-2019
03:55 PM
1 Kudo
I'm really sorry to hear that @Bananatime04. Is there anything I can do to help? We can talk about it, or I can distract you for a while, whatever you'd prefer :)
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17-08-2019
03:40 PM
2 Kudos
I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who has shared or read this thread. I think some really powerful stories have been shared here, and if that makes life easier for even one person, then I think that's amazing. Sending all my love and support to everyone xx
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