Hi all, I'm currently a uni student and I've been dating my boyfriend for about 18 months now. We grew up together since late primary school as close friends and had crushes on eachother on and off but never at the same time... bit of a game of catch haha. Anyways we both moved to the city to study at the same time and became eachothers family basically here. We lived separately the first year and moved in together about 6 months ago.  Life has dealt some tough cards. I've been diagnosed with a couple chronic health conditions and had a lot of family breakdown with my family back in my hometown. I've recently just stopped contact with my father too after deciding to end the pattern of child abuse I've experienced growing up. I've been seeing a psychologist to work through all the after effects and it has put a strain on my relationship as depression and anxiety took over through some of it.  All in all I couldn't be more relieved to have cut my dad out of my life now. But my partner has started having signs of anxiety and depression now and he has just started seeing a psychologist too, reluctantly. He manages uni and quite a stressful job which I personally think he overworks himself from as well as obviously dealing with my own mental health problems at home... I think has taken it's toll. He has been a huge support in my life and I love him for it.  I notice, through the years I've known him. He doesn't show emotion much. He won't tell you when he's upset or open up about it much. I am so glad he seemed help recently, but as his girlfriend I don't really know where I stand because I have no idea what is going on. On the daily: He will come home from work exhausted and just go to bed without more than 2 words to me. In the morning he sounds quite bummed and upset in his tone but just says he's tired when I ask. Anything I do or say to either support him or try and lift the mood he sounds annoyed with. I don't really know how I'm meant to exist and work with living with him when he won't work with me on what I can do, what's going on or atleast how I can help.  Back on topic- As I'm studying and trying to work out what I want to do in life, I'm increasingly feeling this feeling like being in a relationship is limiting me. Being with him welcomes the view of it lasting, our families are close so it almost feels expected that we will last. I set this idea up all through growing up with him that he was the perfect person for me, the person I would marry and all that. I wanted kids too. Through all this family breakdown I've now strongly questioned whether I want children one-day and actually have started seeing it as something that would limit me and something I personally wouldn't be good at. What I want to do for a career is an international job too which I don't see working well in a relationship, despite him working for a travel company, I still feel like having someone you have to work with is limiting. Not that I always want to be single, but i feel like whilst I'm starting my life with uni and a career I want to be free of commitment. I often daydream about moving overseas and meeting someone else later in life. I dream about walking out and being myself, not this girlfriend who always seems to compromise and support him with his career choices and ambitions whilst I've just been the partner full of health problems and is low-key viewed as a housewife because I don't work as many hours. I feel guilty for this. But I'm just feeling like I'm suffocating trying to stay as a person I don't want to be anymore. I don't know what I should do.  ... View more

Hi, So I've been dating my bestfriend for 6 months now. We've been bestfriends for about 7 years, he's always been there for support and advice through some previous relationships when I was younger, for years we've on and off liked eachother but never at the same time until oneday it just happened after I finished highschool, and here we are six months later. Our families are close, younger sisters are bestfriends, in these 6 months we've moved 200km away from home to University in Melbourne (living separately), going overseas together in July and planning on moving in together next year. What could be wrong, right? Well, as we've known eachother for years, we already have that system of talking about problems and fixing them. We have tiffs sometimes, we make up. However I've noticed in the last couple of months something deep in him, an insecurity is the only way I can describe it. I knew it was there, he never used to have much confidence in himself. Whenever I used to compliment him, for as long as I could remember, he would dodge it. He doesn't like his appearance, his weight and overall doesn't see himself as an attractive person. Where this spiked up for me is in this: last year during my final year at highschool, I dated a guy (let's call him Brad). Now Brad was the typical gym goer, tradie, older guy with a car - you get the picture. I dated him for 10 months, in that time i got to my optimal fitness, I gymmed with him, we went on dates weekly, I knew his family, met a couple of his friends. However we didn't truly have what eachother needed. He wasn't a committed boyfriend as much as i thought, as he cheated on me twice, dumping me to go sleep with other girls around my exam times (I found out from the girls which lead me to break up with him). Through this, I confided in my current boyfriend (bestfriend at the time). I told him details of our relationship, sex life, ect. It has taken me 8 months to feel this, but I've had casual chats with my ex online and he's very polite, expressed how sorry he is, it's only casual chats (about the gym, his cats, work). And I think I'd like to have a friendship with him. I know how much he hurt me last year, hence is why I'm no longer with him and moved on. But I see no real harm in a friendship. He's moving to the city in July, and I'd be open to coffee every now and then. As much as he hurt me, that's therefore ended any sexual desire for him, but I miss the other things like his humor, love for animals and hearing how his family is. Is there anything wrong with that? Well, my boyfriend thinks so. He gets upset whenever I mention I talk to Brad, as though I'm cheating or going to cheat. He says he trusts me, but openly says he's uncomfortable and questions me over why I really need to talk to him as though my reasons for being friends with him are not sufficient. In the next breath, he says it's his insecurity. I feel like in order to be a good partner and support my boyfriend, I have to give up the opportunity for a really great friendship, or even talking for that matter. I don't like cutting people off when there's a chance to be on friendly terms. It's like this dark shadow lingers and I'm out of line for arguing it and not just giving in and dropping that friendship completely. What do I do? ... View more

My boyfriend and I met in December last year and started spending a great deal of time together. I'm doing year 12 and he has finished school and is working. At the time we met I knew I was coming into a stressful year, had recently made the long~coming decision to leave my boyfriend of a year and a half, and hence was very against setting myself up for a painful, and school~distracting breakup. So we were seeing eachother for about 3 months to build some trust and get to know eachother more before deciding whether we would work together. It was exclusive since the beginning, we were going on dates and only with eachother. But we made it official on February 19th and didn't say I love you until about late March or early April. However at some point in May his work was on strike with the unions, I was going through a lot of sacs, things got very stressful, and he was beginning to look at a career for next year. He broke up with me out of the blue, kindly, in person, tearfully. I took it very well~ shocked, but stopped contact with him and dragged myself through my normal routine of school and the gym. I knew that he was a good person, that atleast he did it before school got too serious, and that I would be ok in the long run. However two days later he contacted me saying it was stupid, that he wanted me back and it was idiotic to leave. I wasn't going to put myself through another breakup, I wasn't sure if this was just an act of being uncomfortable as he was suddenly single, or if he genuinely wanted a relationship again. heck, I wasn't even sure if I wanted a relationship again. I'd taken the breakup so well, it hurt like hell but I've never soothed myself that way before, I didn't know how to trust he wouldn't leave again. I told him I didn't want to get back together yet, we needed to be friends for a little bit so I could think. The next day though, we caught up and the day went well, but towards the end of lunch we were joking around about something, he came round to playfully pick me up and that contact hit us both~ resulting in a kiss. It freaked us both out, I started crying because i missed him, we sat down and talked. I wanted to atleast know why he left. He gave me his reasons, they were solvable and we began going on dates and starting over, working on rebuilding that trust and fixing the problems that caused him to leave. We started dating officially again on June 2nd, a month ago. As we were technically only really "broken up" completely for two days, officially off for three weeks, I don't know whether to count it and use June 2nd as the date we will go by for how long we've been together. I've been exclusive with him since November, but the icky "official" dates and "seeing eachother but not dating" make it extremely hard when someone asks how long I've been with him, or what to hold as an anniversary date if we get to it one-day. ... View more

I've been on here before while choosing to get into a relationship at the beginning of the year. I'm doing year 12 and am very committed to it, also managing a part time job to save for university. I was dating this person, he's finished school already, for 3 months, seeing him for 7.One month ago out of nowhere he dumped me, no clear reason and I'd been under the impression we were going great. It had just been a hard week because his workplace had gone on strike and he wasn't getting any work and I had sacs on so we were both stressed. I managed very well, dragged myself out of bed and to school, reached out to friends, knew that id done my best to make him happy so didn't bathe in self hatred. It hurt but I could manage like any breakup. Two days later he contacted me again saying he missed me and it was silly to have dumped me. I didn't quite accept that as a worthy apology, I was not going to take someone back when they see dumping as more of an option than actually talking about what's wrong. I need someone stable this year, someone I can rely on, or nobody at all. But, I agreed to go and see him. I wasn't going to consider getting back together until he could atleast give me a reason as to why he left. He told me he left out of fear of next year, as he's thinking of careers and knows I'm moving to Melbourne for Uni. He's scared he will affect my exams. But now he sees that we can work next year, he knows he wants a future with me and will work around these obstacles to come. We went on some dates for another couple of weeks before getting back together on the 2nd. However, I'm still having a hard time changing mindset back to thinking in a relationship way. I changed my mindset to thinking about myself and taking care of myself, to cope through a breakup. Now I'm supposed to support, rely on and trust him and be happy again. My heart cant keep up. He's wanting to have a sleepover tomorrow night, as we live in two separate towns. But the last time I slept at his house was the last time I saw him before he made the decision (without my knowledge) to dump me. I'm really scared that if I give in to these feelings, rely on him and fully open myself up to him again... It's going to come crashing down and this time I won't be able to cope so well at a breakup, and it's a heavier time in school that I cant afford to go through any distractions. He's assured me so many times he wants a future with me, he's not leaving. But now that I've looked in his eyes while he told me he doesn't want to be with me, I cant erase it and see him the way I used to, trust him the way I used to. I don't know how to trust him and be happy, I see it as a trap. I just wish I knew what to do. How to talk to him about it, cos I feel like a paranoid freak when I get upset and tell him I'm unhappy. It's like my anxiety is a bother and needs to just shuttup, when I feel like it's perfectly normal and I shouldn't have to feel so guilty for having them. It's like he expects me to erase what he did to me and fully trust him and just pick up where things left off. I mean having a sleepover less than two weeks since getting back together? I can't think that he expects sex out of it. What if he wants it? I am a very sexual person and want it too but it's far outweighed by fears he will leave me again one-day and these feelings I develop for him now, as soon as I bring down my guard, it'll ruin me. ... View more

Well first off im starting my last year in highschool at the moment, including a year 12 subject ive got an exam for in less than two weeks. I've always been very good in school, and take it very seriously as im set on university to pursue dietetics. Im wanting a high ATAR for university so find it very stressful around exam time with managing other things. Ive been dating a guy i go to school with, for over a year now. We come from very different families, I'd like to think I come from a normal middle class family, my parents both are nurses and we have just moved into a big house with a few acres. My parents have always brought me up to focus on school, ive had a job at the local supermarket for 2 years to teach me responsibility and time management. My boyfriend comes from a family where his parents just work casual jobs here and there, or the doll at times, they smoke and drink, they rent and have 3 cats and 2 dogs in the house (no litter tray), and hos older brother has resorted to the same way of life (no job, and relies on his gf for living, money and driving places). Well, my boyfriend is one month away from turning 18 and has never had a job. Despite being one year older than me, he seems like the complete opposite to me. He is never stressed about school, and continues to get Ds or Es on his report card, he has this idea of the Navy after school but I don't understand why hes not stressing about school to get into the Navy (as i need grades for uni, surely he does for the navy), he has always been on the other end of the stick to me. Im a very clean, orderly, and passionate person, but hes just laid back and blames others when he doesnt get what he wants. First off, in the first six months of dating him I found a pattern that every time we had a date, went out for lunch, or did anything together I copped the bill because I worked. I remember the ideas of my future gathering, the idea of saving for a car, the desire to save for a trip to new zealand for a scuba diving course (which i did), and simple pocket money became harder when i was paying for meals for him and me combined every weekend. At the time we lived in separate towns, a half hour away, and i would pay for his meals and things regardless of whether i came to visit him or he came to visit me. I once paid for pizzas for his whole family when I CAME FOR DINNER. It got to a point where i just said STOP. I told him that it was not fair that he should come to visit me with no money on him and expect me to pay everytime he wanted takeout. I told him to get himself a job so he could share the bills with me because i wasnt going to be out working anymore to pay for him, while he was off with his friends. He thought i was being unfair and pushy, an it took over a month to convince him to apply for jobs, which completely shocked me cos i cant understand how anyone wouldnt feel guilty about making their partner pay every time, and then argue when they wanted you to get a job and help out. Well, it went on and on, i had stopped paying but found that now, i couldnt go out with him at all.. when i wanted to go out to a movie date he was worried about money and it became a drama and i felt guilty for asking to go out. I noticed i was the one lookung for jobs and he only actually applied at jobs i told him to. I noticed he would come over all the time and be fed and stuff at home, but then mum started saying to me we cant afford to feel five people every day..we arent as rich as he thinks we are. He tells me he will get a job, but hes told me that hes not passionate about getting a job. The reason ive contunued to push him to get one isnt just about evening out the date bill. He has this fantasy about a car when hes 18, and a gap year.. but you need money for a car, moneg for petrol, a gap year you usually work in to get money for when you start studying or training again...but ive told him casual jobs arent easy to find the older you get. Employers won't hire an 18 year old woth no experience. But hes never listened, and taken his sweet time with applying, and never follows things up unless they call him themselves (i always call or email a week after applying to seem eager). Well, im coming up to my exams. Our 1 year anniversary was last week, and we were planning to go out for dinner (second avtual dinner date in a whole year). Id spoken to him in the morning about a venue, and then dug into study over lunch time. He wasnt contactable from 1pm onwards...which i wasnt fussrd about. It came around to 5pm and i wanted to know a time, so i could book a table. But he wasnt contactabke still. His phone was off cos i couldnt call. It came to 6pm, a universal dinner time time..and i still hadnt heard from him. Mum was wanting to order pizza for tea (takeout is a treat in my family), and it was 6.30 now. I rang his dad whom didnt know where he was. And then 7pm hit, it was a school night, mum wanted to know if i was going to dinner or not..so i just stayed in. Finally i got a call at 7.30, when i was halfway through my pizza dinner at home. And he didnt even achknowledge the time, he just said "when we going?". Id found out he was with his friends at the pool just down the road from me, but instead of calling or swinging by when he was done, he rode all the way home (a half hour trip), before bothering to check his phone. I couldny believe it, he had just screwed up our anniversary. Since then ive woken up and realised we both want different things. Im a person who plans my goals and works hard toward them, he doesnt. I dont think its his fault, but im sick of stressing FOR him, finding a job FOR him, doing his resume, feeding him and constantly being let down on important events or simple dates. I think he just needs to mature a bit and realise he consequences of not working hard for what you want..like he will realise he needs a job for a car. But i dont want to wait for that, im sick of waiting to see the responsible man i want. And that person simply isnt possible at our age, so i keep having thoughts about wanting to be alone to focus. Cos i feel dragged down. Last week me, my boyfriend and another girl Nina were all going for House Captain in school. We had an interview, speech, vote and me and Nina got it. I was really upset for my boyfriend cos i know he really wanted the position, but i needed it for a uni scholarship to show my community service. I still offered to decline the position and give it to him of he really wanted it, cos i didnt want him to have a grudge against me..cos hes always made me feel guilty for having the grades, job and success i do now. He told me to take it. But the next evening he sent me texts saying how he felt worthless, like a failure, and that it was all the teachers fault. He said he was over trying. I tried to confort him, but wasnt going to support his idea of giving up. I told him to look at his life, and write down what he wants and make a plan on how to get it. I said if you want a job, find ways to improve your communication skills and other things like working harder at school, or if you want leadership positions to help out with leadership whereever you can to gain some leadership skills. Well he continued to take the negatives out of what i said, and it eventually twisted around to insults. He began saying i was just as bad as the teachers, that i sucked at comfort iust cos i get everything i want and dont understand hard work, and that i was selfish to have taken the role. That was when i woke up and realised i didnt want this. He might make me happy and laugh and go all bubbly when im with him, but he drags me down in my success in other aspects of my life. Im scared his failures are going to affect me after school, like he wont get into the navy because his grades arent high enough and will expect me to support him when im doing uni, or that in year 12 he will be relaxed and want attention and distract me from my own grades and i wont get into uni. Its all shown its true colours this month. With the last week ive wanted time away from him to focus on school, and im feeling really shit cos i think i want to break up with him for my own benefit..and he keeps pushing it and wanting to talk, call and come over to talk about if im dumping him or not...all because i told him i want space to focus on my exam. Hes making so much drama and keeps calling and wanting 'attention' cos he feels worthless still for not getting house captain..when i have my final exam in less than two weeks and feel like hes distracting me. I am planning to breakup with him after the exam cos its been 6 months and hes still got no job and nothing has changed. I am feeling dragged down, and that all he offers me is cute gooy feelings but no real support. But at the same time i dont know how to keep him off my back for the next week cos i cant afford distractions right now. I see him at school everyday, its hard to avoid him. And when i avoid him its oobvious and starts more drama. ... View more