I'm sick of being seen as abnormal or a freak because I have mild aspergers, I hate how my condition and feelings are never taken seriously because people think my disorder makes you "mentally retarded". I hate "coming out" to my friends about having this condition and then being betrayed and hated for it. I just wish this life was over, I don't want to live in a world full of so much hate and stigma, that the moment I try to speak out against it, I'm called "selfish" or "rude". I'm also sick of being told not to be depressed because I'm not poor or starving, I understand that I live in better conditions then some, but so are a lot of other people who feel like me. I don't even know how to feel anymore, part of me wants to stay alive and care about myself, but at the same time I hate myself and feel like I deserve to be hated, ridiculed and shamed.
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This is my first time ever posting on this website, so I hope this doesn't come off as selfish. I am 17 years old and I have mild aspergers, I've been diagnosed since I was 4 years old, ever since I've been ashamed and have hated myself for it, I don't really deal with it as much anymore, I have friends and family, but I'm still ashamed of having it because in society, it is considered shameful to have autism, I've been bullied and mistreated for it, called a "freak", "abomination", or a "failed abortion". Because of this, I have days each week where I'm just down in the dumps, knowing that I exist like this. This is the only place I have to vent at because I don't want to go on social media where all my friends can see it, and my parents get upset at me for feeling like this.
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