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AMAA: Change with Psychologist Rashida
We all know how the saying goes - "The only constant in life is change". When I heard this in my teen years it scared the crap out of me. The thought of having to face change constantly felt so daunting. As life has moved on and I look back on all the changes I've adapted to I wouldn't have it any other way because I can't imagine who I'd be today without all the periods of transition I've come up against.
In saying this, it isn't like change is easy and I'm sure we can all agree that the mammoth changes we've all seen in the past year is enough to make anyone's head spin. So, that's why we're welcoming a brand new guest who is going to unpack this topic with us. Rashida is a psychologist and has worked with the likes of Triple J Hack, Lad Bible Australia and RUSHH Magazine
We are going to be tackling all things change - whether it's aging out of services, transitioning out of school, adjusting to covid or going through a physical change. As always, shoot your questions through and on Monday the 1st of March we will get Rashida's professional opinion on how to make the most of change.
We will be kicking off this LIVE chat from 7pm - 9pm!
@GuestPsychologist1 feelings don't always equal facts - I love that!!!
This one is a bit of a change of pace, but I think it's definitely one that's really relevant for people at this time of year -
What are some tips for going from school to university?
I would also invest in a good diary or calendar you can keep in a spot easy to see so that you can visually see what is due, what events are coming up etc - remember to also include fun activities on there as well as assignment due dates or exams.
It can be a big change from school to university - I would say keeping a thread of familiarity in your days; Creating a ritual that you can continue on even when you transition out of school and into university - whether that be practicing some mindfulness and breathework at the same time each morning and night; or finding a favourite pen and taking it with you from school into university - allowing a sense of being grounded and anchored in something familiar.
Also i would do some research about fun things going on at your new university - clubs, groups, sporting teams, or any activities that you may be able to get involved in and have to look forward to - also a great way to develop a good network and social group around you at university if you don’t know too many people going to the same uni as you from school.
That thread of familiarity is such a good tip @GuestPsychologist1 - I know when I started uni, I wasn't prepared for just how alien it would feel at first! I went from a relatively small school campus to an absolutely huge university, and having a few things that felt familiar was really grounding and comforting.
I think there will be a lot of people in the community who may really resonate with this one:
My body is going through some changes and it makes me feel self conscious. Do you have some advice for that?
Remember - our body is made to change, it needs to change in order to accomodate for every new life stage we enter.
Oh for sure - I can resonate with this one also, I remember my body going through so many changes (it still is) and how much emotion/ self-conscious feelings it brought about.
I would practice re-focusing your attention on the things your body is still able to do despite the changes taking place. I would also allow the feelings and emotions to come up as there can be an experience of ‘ambiguous grief’ in change - grieving the parts of our self that are changing and honouring those parts as well as that grief.
I've never heard of that concept of 'ambiguous grief' in change @GuestPsychologist1 and I really love it - I remember when I was recovering from quite a bad injury and was suddenly restricted in what I could do, there was a real sense of grief and loss there.
This next question comes from one of our instagram followers:
I lost my dream job because of the virus - I need help please!! How can I cope with changes in life that are out of my control?
That is so tough, i’m sorry you are going through that.
As mentioned before - honing back in on the things that are within our locus of control.
Acceptance that things are sometimes outside of our control can be scary, frustrating and can feel really unfair - especially like losing your job because of the pandemic. Allow yourself to grieve, shout, cry - and then practice channeling that emotion into things within your realm of control in order to feel a sense of empowerment. Mapping out the next steps you could take, with someone you find supportive, will help anchor you.
This question is one that we definitely talk about quite a lot in this community, and it's one that I know can be especially tough as people hit their mid twenties, and may age out of a bunch of different services/ leave uni and the support staff there:
Do you have some tips on how to deal with changing psychologists/support people? Aging out of services is something that really makes me nervous and it would be good to know how to prepare myself
Definitely a scary thought. When you find amazing support people or a great Psychologist it can feel extremely saddening and distressing to know you may need to move on due to age; Knowing you have found it once before means that it is highly likely you will be able to find another group of support people and Psychologist who you connect with once again. The practice of vulnerability and of being engaged in services will allow for you to have a better awareness of what you need in your future support people and help you know what is going to feel like the right fit. - View it is a head start, having already been involved in great services.
I would speak to your current support people or Psychologist about these feelings, allow them to help support you in finding new services and be present for that transition period. I would do some research independently as well as alongside your current support networks into what you are hoping for and looking for in your new Psychologist and then have a look at a few different profiles of people to get an idea of if you think they would be the right fit.
Remember you are able to interview your Psychologist or support people and ask them questions in order to check if they are the right fit - we know that the therapeutic relationship is one of the most important, if not the most important factor of therapy working well so it’s ok for you to ‘shop around’ for the right person.
Also remembering that moving out of certain life stages will potentially result in you wanting to get support for different things - which will require the skill of people more suited to work with that new stage of life you’re in.
I love the idea of those lessons of vulnerability being something that we can carry on to future experiences and support people -
That actually leads in perfectly for our final question for this evening:
What are some of the positives about change?
I truly believe there are SO many positives to change.
One thing i haven’t mentioned yet tonight but is a huge positive byproduct of facing change is the building of RESILIENCE. - The more resilience we build, the easier changes become, even the more difficult changes.
Also the different pathways change can bring that we never envisioned. When we become inflexible to our journey or path in life changing, is when the change can become daunting and not feel so great. When we become more flexible and occupy the ‘grey’ area - we are able to re-frame changes as positives and recognise the opportunities that may come our way due to those change that we might never have had before.
@GuestPsychologist1 what a perfect way to wrap up tonight's chat - I love the idea of different paths revealing themselves in ways we never could have envisioned, that's definitely something that I've found in my own life.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and wisdom here, we've absolutely loved having you!!! Thanks @Lost_Space_Explorer5 and @WheresMySquishy for joining us - I can also see that we've had quite a few people reading the forums tonight as well, it can be difficult being vulnerable and having these conversations, so I also wanted to give a massive shout out to all of the people who submitted questions tonight.
Thank you all so much!!
Thank you so much for having me. I absolutely loved being part of this community and experiencing my first Q&A! 🙂
Thank you to all the people who submitted questions, took part in the discussion and watched on - It takes immense courage and vulnerability to be involved in any way.
I hope some of these answers and information may resonate and help guide you through your changes.
Hopefully catch you again on another forum soon!!
Thanks so much again @GuestPsychologist1 , it's been an absolute pleasure having you join us!
Sometimes chats like this can bring up a lot for people reading on - if anyone feels like they need some extra support or could use someone to talk to tonight please reach out (awful pun) to one of these services:
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 or www.kidshelpline.com.au
Thanks again everyone!
Thanks for this question - and all of the questions tonight, i know that asking questions that are attached to difficult times in your life requires a lot of vulnerability!
I'm gonna head off now, but it was great chatting to everyone! Thanks for doing this @GuestPsychologist1. 🙂
@WheresMySquishy Thanks for joining! So great to have you be a part of this convo.
@GuestPsychologist1 I think that's so true. I think people are more likely to focus on negative feedback in comparison to positive feedback.
I feel like I've had to digest bad news quite a few times recently @GuestPsychologist1. I really like your advice about sitting with the emotion and allowing yourself to feel what you feel. Life is full of ups and downs.
Sorry to hear @WheresMySquishy - Remember sitting in the feels is super important at times however if you are feeling like the emotion surfacing from the bad news is hard to contain and becomes too overwhelming, it is also completely ok and important to at times distract or compartmentalise it for a little bit in order to keep functioning through the day - It can become a bit of a balancing act in knowing when to sit with the feeling and when to let it sit on the side, knowing that there’s no ‘right or wrong’ way to go about managing the feelings that arise from hearing bad news.
Can you imagine if humans went extinct and some other creatures take over and say 'ugh the human part of my brain is really messing me up today' 😛
@WheresMySquishy ooh that's such a good tactic! Have you ever written letters to future you and read them years later? I remember doing that at school lol
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 haha funny concept!
Writing letters to your future self is fantastic, so cool you did that in school!
writing letters to younger you can also be pretty powerful - maybe trying to write a letter to younger you about all the things you were worried that were going to change back then and how they’ve turned out?
Oof I feel younger me would be disappointed in how things turned out @GuestPsychologist1 😅 But that is an interesting challenge, I might try it 🙂