Yes! Yes! Yes! - So normal, yet doesn't make it feel any better.

This is such a common experience when engaging in therapy that i feel is not often talked about, so thank you so much for this question.

Starting a therapy journey can result in a lot of things. A safe space to be seen and heard, a chance to learn about yourself and your patterns of thought or behaviour, a place to hear a different perspective. A place to sometimes be challenged and hear some difficult realities and ultimately a place to 'heal' - 

What it can also be is a place where we realise some confronting truths, experience sadness and worry and also grief.

As we know a therapy journey will change us in some way, and when there is a significant change in our lives it is almost always accompanied by some form of grief. 

The experience of realising something like how you were raised contributes to your anxiety would be overwhelming in and of itself and that will then lend to a whole host of other emotions. 

Be gentle and kind to yourself whilst you move through this. 

It is part of the process. It is normal and it means you are gaining some insight and awareness you didn't previously have - and with insight and awareness there is room to shift and grow.

I was really proud to see this question come up. It is such a common experience and as you said, something that isn't spoken about enough. 

Part of "healing" can include some uncomfortable emotions. I try to remind myself to make even more time for rest and fun when this stuff comes up after a therapy session. 

Yes, so important.

I love to speak to clients about making their therapy experience a ritual in itself. So having a transition period before and after in which you can just sit and gather yourself and your thoughts rather than rushing in and out of it, knowing that sometimes it can be quite raw and leave you feeling a lot of various emotions.

Oh, I love the idea of making the therapy experience a ritual. 

Yes for sure - a veryyy relatable question!

I would practice some grounding techniques prior to the event or encounter and also whilst you're with them.

This can be the grounding through senses such as identifying, labelling and being mindful to things you can see, feel, taste, hear and smell. 

Breathwork - through the belly and ensuring the exhale (out breath) is longer than the inhale.

I would consider even taking something with you in your pocket or bag that makes you feel grounded or connected into a happy place that you can physically touch and look at if you start to feel heightened. 

If you really don't want to see them, I would explore negotiating with immediate family or others to come to a compromise so that you spend less time with the extended family members that you don't get along with. 

I would like mentioned above 'sandwich' the encounter with something you do actually enjoy doing and with people you like being around.

and ultimately remember, you don't actually owe your extended family members your energy or time if they make you unhappy. You can attempt to assert some boundaries, keep the conversation short and to 'safe topics' that you know won't upset you or raise your anxiety. 

Thank you for these tips @GuestPsychologistRD 

I really like the idea of taking something that makes you feel grounded. I often take something comforting with me if I'm staying away from home (especially after being home for the most part of this year). 

Also - sticking to "safe topics" is a brilliant suggestion. Over the years I've gotten better at walking away if the conversation drifts to something that I know will upset me. 

We have an article on Coping with the stress of Christmas - I would like to acknowledge all of the different celebrations that take place this time of year though. So, these tips would also apply to our community members who celebrate Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Ōmisoka (feel free to let me know if I've missed some). 

I would also try and sandwich telling them in with doing something that makes you feel good, like a self-care activity. 

In line with scheduling in the time to talk to them about it not at the same time as dinner or some other activity, I would plan what you are going to do *after* telling them. Whether that is going for a walk in nature, calling your best friend, jumping on the Reach Out forum to share what the experience was like etc. 

Remember also that their first reaction may not be their final reaction. 

They may react in a way that you did not anticipate, however you have done a really amazing, brave thing in speaking to someone about this. 

Another pearl of wisdom!! 

"Remember also that their first reaction may not be their final reaction." 

This rings very true for me, and I'm sure others too. Sometimes people react in ways we don't like or understand. In my personal experiences and looking back, I can see how my families reactions to talking about mental health have evolved a lot 🥰

Family can be so complicated- they can care for us in ways others can't but also hurt us in ways others can't. It makes sense to be hesitant about sharing stuff when you don't know how they'll react. Sometimes family can have good intentions and react 'badly' because they don't know how to best help and they're concerned. And sometimes they can just react badly and it can hurt. It can take time to communicate your needs and have them met and sometimes it can be better for your mental health to know who is supportive and who is not going to be no matter how much you try. But yeah sometimes it can just take time and communication to figure out how you can support each other and it can be worth it. Really it depends on your situation 

Yes, as always - thank you for your vulnerabilty. I'm always in awe of the vulnerability shown in these AMAA forums and the various questions that come through. 

It sounds tough and i'm sorry to know you are struggling with your mental health right now. It can be made even harder with not knowing how to navigate telling family and even more difficult if you are living with family whilst going through mental health challenges. 

I would first check in with yourself about why it is important for you to tell your family. Is this something you want to do for extra support, to have them understand how you're currently feeling and what you may be going through, is it to feel less alone in the experience? Maybe to get their advice or have them help link you with other services. Once we know what we are looking for in telling family or anyone about our mental health struggles - it may make it easier to decide when and how you want to tell them. 

I love the suggestions for questions to ask yourself! It's so helpful to take a step back and identify what we need/want when being vulnerable with family. It really, really helps when you decide to have the chat.

We actually have an article called 6 tips for talking to your parents about your mental health which might be handy to read 🙂 

I would then organise a scheduled time in which you have dedicated time to be able to talk things through, so planning this for a time in which you are all free and don't have other things you need to be doing or rush off to (e.g not at dinner time or when you know there's not going to be enough time to share)

If you are finding it too confronting to tell them face to face, you could write it out in a letter, or text format and hand it to them whilst you sit with them for them to read. 

If you are in therapy, you could speak to your therapist about inviting them to a session with you so you have extra support whilst letting them know what has been going on for you. 

Remembering there is options in how you share things with them, and there is no 'right' way to tell them. 

Yess 👏

"there is no 'right' way to tell them" 

I think that is so important to remember - it can be easy to get overwhelmed trying to find the perfect way to open up about mental health. 

They can also shape the way we connect with others, the things we care about or that are important to us, our passions and even the pathways we end up taking in life whether that be career wise or in other domains. 

Our first experiences of the world are influenced and impacted by the dynamics of our family. 

Such a great question to start.

Family dynamics shape us in a multitude of ways. There is no single way in which they shape us but rather a combination of ways. They will help shape a large part of our over-all identity, the way we show up in our relationships with others, and ultimately the way we show up in the world. 

Family dynamics will inform the way we think about ourselves, others and the world around us. They will impact our world view, they can be very layered!

It's so interesting to notice how family shapes our identity. I've just noticed that I'm starting to sound more and more like my mum as the years go on 😆

😂 Reading over this a little late- I can totally relate to sounding like my parents. I'm mortified when I realise I do something they do then I start questioning my existence. Like aren't we all just copy + pasted from our ancestors with a little extra spice of random variation. 2am thoughts this probably makes no sense lol anywayy

haha, this is so true! I am sounding, looking and behaving like my parents daily!

Glad to hear I'm not the only one 😂