Ask A Pro Live: Healthy Relationships November 2019

hey thanks for having me join you tonight.  it's always so great to see these conversations continue and evolve :).  hope everyone's night is okish 🙂

Thank you so much for jumping on here @inez1800RESPECT! I've loved hearing your insights. 🙂

Goodnight everyone!

@inez1800RESPECT   Well done for standing up for yourself. 🙂

I've had to have a few conversations like that myself. Once, one of my male friends told me to change something about my appearance and while he thought it was 'just giving advice', I got really offended and annoyed. I had to explain why I didn't appreciate it a few times before he understood and we ended up moving past it.

@WheresMySquishy I have had literally the same situation with a friend! I found it so weird that I had to explain that it wasn't okay to point things out about my appearance. Good on you for speaking your mind! 🙂 

ugh, I just got annoyed for you @WheresMySquishy !  glad you got to stand up for yourself and he heard and understood.  go you!

@inez1800RESPECT I think they're a fine length! There's nothing wrong with having a lot to say 😁

That's a great point about starting conversations about boundaries in another way, if the first way doesn't work! I've been very frustrated in the past and, admittingly, rather unforgiving when people aren't respecting my boundaries. There's definitely something more 'official' and confrontational when talking face-to-face, and people understand information in different ways... thanks so much for sharing! 😃

@inez1800RESPECT   I think that's so true. I've realised that some of my friends weren't there for me when I was putting all the work into maintaining the friendship and doing everything for them.

@WheresMySquishy Sorry to hear you've had that experience 😞 I think most of us do at some point and it can be hard to let go of those people but I try to remember that you never know when you're going to make a new great friend  

thanks for sharing that @WheresMySquishy , and i'm sorry to hear that.  it's true that our friendships change and end as we grow and do different things.  i'm an adult now and I think how different my interests were 10 years ago and what I thought about and talked about with my friends then - so different to how I hang out with my friends now (younger me would probably eye roll at how boring my conversations seem now!)

@inez1800RESPECT that car thing is SO TRUE. Whenever I'm having a difficult time, or my Mum is having a difficult time, we will always talk about it in the car, even when we're going somewhere completely random and unrelated. Sometimes I ask to get some fast food knowing we can sit for a long time in the drive-thru and just talk. 

I also think it's true (and very important) to recognise we can have healthy relationships with people who aren't our friends. It's important to treat everyone with the same level of respect and dignity. 😃

@inez1800RESPECT   @Hozzles   I've had a lot of difficult conversations in the car myself.

I agree that we can have healthy relationships with people who aren't friends. I'm constantly discovering which of my relationships are healthy. Sometimes, I enjoy confiding in my acquaintances and they end up turning into friends. 🙂

sometimes, these are the ones to test ourselves on I reckon.  if you can find a reason to be curious and interested in someone who has a different world view to you, or votes for a different side of politics, or is/isn't religious etc... those things really open up my world.  plus, it's kind of boring if everyone agrees with you and thinks the same - we'd quickly run out of new things to talk about!

@inez1800RESPECTI think anonymous support services can be really great. A lot of people I know are more confident using an anonymous service before they start using a face to face service. 🙂

I agree @WheresMySquishy .  that first conversation can be so nerve-racking.  and no one ever really knows what they want to say until they start talking.  being able to call a service anonymously just removes some of that barrier of feeling judged or having to identify yourself.... especially when you're talking about things that make you feel scared or uncomfortable.  

Hi @inez1800RESPECT! Thank you for joining us tonight. 🙂

That sounds like such an interesting job! 🙂

it is.... of course any work like this takes it's toll.  it's always important for me to have good friendships inside and outside of work and to have things i'm interested in apart from work so I don't constantly think about it.  I think that's probably true of any kind of work we do!

Hey @inez1800RESPECT (and everyone else)! So excited for tonight! 😁 That's definitely true, it's a lot better to maintain a life-work balance and maintain a level of self care -- especially in jobs with emotional tolls! 

I agree!  I try and find something that brings me joy or a giggle every single day... I have a pretty cheeky sense of humour so it's not that hard!

@inez1800RESPECT that's so true! I've found it's always a lot less daunting seeking help for the first time if you know you can be anonymous. The best way I can describe it is maybe... if someone knows your name, then your story is part of you identity. But with anonymity, you can talk about it sometimes as if it's something outside of yourself, if that makes sense?

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@inez1800RESPECT wrote:

I try and find something that brings me joy or a giggle every single day... I have a pretty cheeky sense of humour so it's not that hard!

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Excellent advice! ❤ I try to as well, and it's really not hard to make me laugh or smile now matter how I feel, so it makes me feel better. 😁 I agree, self care is the best thing anyone can do.

@Hozzles It's so nice that you're able to laugh, no matter how you feel! I'm a big believer in if you don't laugh you'll cry. I know having a sense of humour has helped me a lot 🙂 

Tomorrow nights Ask A Pro Live is fast approaching! We know relationships are a discussion topic that comes up a lot in our community and we're so lucky to be joined by Inez from 1800RESPECT who will be answering our questions. Here is a short bio... 

"Inez is the Clinical Engagement Manager for 1800RESPECT, the National support and counselling service for anyone impacted by sexual, domestic or family violence. 

Inez is a social worker who has worked in the areas of sexual assault counselling, homelessness, mental health, disability as well as domestic and family violence.  She is passionate about working with the most vulnerable and marginalised members of the community in designing services that are accessible and available in a time, space and place that suits them" 

We've got almost 24 hours until we close the google form - so if you have some burning questions for Inez send them through