Do I actually feel bad or am I just being overdramatic

[maevesgild]

This is kinda weird to me because I still actually haven't figured out what I'm feeling myself. I kinda feel like I don't belong in a lot of social situations. Like I will stand with a group I'm not that close with and immediately imagine myself from their point of view, and think wow this is so awkward. I don't belong here and they all feel weird that I'm here. 

When I am talking to acquaintances, trying to become closer with them, I always feel like I'm more invested in the talking than them? I notice that I am fully engaged in the convo and look at them and everything and the other person often takes their time replying, sometimes doesn't make eye contact etc. Am I just being too observant, making a big deal, like what?

It's like the smallest social things upset me.  A friend will sit with their other friend on the bus and I sit alone, and I immediately feel awkward and out of place for a long time. I should care less about it, right. I should be like whatever this stuff will happen sometimes, get over it. But the smallest things linger in my mind for so long. LIke if friends walk on ahead first and I have to catch up.. like all these things make me feel so unconfident about myself and then also about my relationship with them.

I wish I could be more chill with these things. I remember I used to be, I think. I actually did not care who I sat with on the bus because it was like, as long as you get there right. 

It's so weird because I am like constantly seeking for the perfect best friend. I used to have this small group of other close friends but I guess they couldn't do everything I wanted to do - this sounds weird but they were a bit nerdier? Like I'm a bit nerdy but I also like doing the typical teenage stuff, like hanging out after school, eating, watching movies and stuff. I feel like I rely on the people around me at school so much, l want to make sure more of my happiness stems from myself instead of from others.

Also, I have been so bored recently. It's the start of a new school year and I quit a bunch of activities last year, so I've just been getting home early and wasting hours on netflix and webcomics and feeling down about anything that happens at school that day. I am just so bored and I guess I thought I could do more of those social things this year since I have no time, but wow looks like I have no friends to do this with me

Okay sorry for this and how confusing it is and how many times i said 'like'

[ErinsAntics]

@maevesgildI can totally relate to how you feel! You're in no way being overdramatic, it sounds like you have a bit of social anxiety which is completely normal (and can start up at any time)

It's normal for friends to grow apart (especially in high school) and it's great that you recognise that you have other interests to them. Have you tried reconnecting with them? You could explain that while you aren't as nerdy as they are and you have other interests, you still appreciate their friendship. I have a lot of friends who have nothing in common with me (or very little), which is what makes the friendships so great.

You mentioned that you quit a bunch of activities last year to focus on school, could you maybe pick one activity to re join or find a less intense/stressful activity to participate in? That way you are meeting new people and making new friends. My school had a few groups that met at lunch time which was fun and it didn't take up time from after school. I was involved in a book club that I really enjoyed and met heaps of people from the other years. 

You could also volunteer at a local organisation, which not only looks great on your resume but is a great way to meet new people  

As for trying to seek out the perfect best friend, there is no such thing as a perfect best friend trust me. You can't seek out a best friend either it just happens, one day you realise that this person has gone from being your friend to being your best friend for no real reason. 

Also there is nothing wrong with Netflix

I'm tagging a few other moderators/builders who might be able to help you to @T4ils @Bee @May_@lokifish @roseisnotaplant @missep

[basketofmonkeys]

@maevesgild welcome to ReachOut! I can totally relate to how you feel - sometimes it's so easy to pick up on the smallest things that people do and imagine that it's part of a bigger issue. I think analysing social situations is such a natural reaction that everyone has, but when you start overanalysing them, it can get really challenging and it's super easy to feel alienated. However, my experience with this has led me to realise that most of the time, other people aren't thinking about things too deeply. Like when people don't respond as quickly as normal, it's probably because their mind is on something that they could be stressed about, and less of an intentionally malicious signal. I understand that it doesn't always help, but it's a good thing to keep in mind!

I agree with @ErinsAntics in that clubs/volunteering etc. is a great way to make new friends and get yourself out there a bit. I know that this can feel really daunting (particularly if you're prone to feeling anxious in social settings), but I think doing it slowly and gradually would be a great opportunity to try and meet some new people who you may not feel as anxious around. I've made plenty of friends through this way, and because you're doing something else with them (such as the activity that you've signed up for, or volunteering), then it's also less likely to be awkward and feel forced. Do you feel like this is something that you'd be interested in doing? (it's totally okay if not!)

Let me know how everything goes

-BoM

[LeoTheLion]

Hello maevesgild,

It sounds like you have high expectations for social interactions, friends etc. This is not a bad thing however just beware that when our expectations are not met, we tend to feel like crap. There's rarely 'perfect' friends, social settings etc. so when you start to feel awkward or less confident because of said situation, try to remember that stuff like this happens. Sometimes this is the way things turn out, happens to everyone and not just you. Breathe, relax and enjoy the company. 

[May_]

Hey @maevesgild welcome to RO! Sorry to hear you've been going through a tough time lately - good on you for seeking some support I have definitely found myself having similar thoughts to the ones you described and I think it's normal to want to feel as if you belong. However it can be really consuming when we find ourselves overthinking and analysing the events of the day a lot of the time. This is when I think self-care, positivity and activities that you enjoy doing can really help. You mentioned you quit a lot of activities, is there any activities that you think you would enjoy starting up?

[Bee]

Hey @maevesgild Welcome to RO!!

I too can relate to you feel in social situations! It can be quite daunting sometimes. I also notice that sometimes the social ques from others aren't the same as what I'm giving, and as @basketofmonkeys said this could be for a wide variety of reasons. I try to remember this when my mind goes into analysing every little detail.

I'm wondering why you quit a bunch of activities last year? Was there a reason as to why?
I wonder if you're feeling a bit down because you're bored and not knowing what to do with your time?
As suggested before, can you pick something else up or rejoin one of your prior activities?

[T4ils]

Everyone has already said some really amazing things so I just wanted to add that I know how you feel, you aren’t alone @maevesgild. Often I pick up on small things and I am quick to make assumptions, but as others have said, people are more likely worrying about what’s going on for themselves rather than you.. 🙂 also, I find that nobody is nearly as observant of ourselves than us!

[jveronica19]

I feel for you!! I just started highschool and it is so awkward!! I have social anxiety and i feel like that all the time!

[lokifish]

@jveronica19 just wanted to say that I had horrific social anxiety in high school (to the point where I ended up doing years 9-12 through distance education). I'm now going into my 4th year of uni, and I know it probably seems like a lie right now but I promise you it often gets better. Teenage hormones have a way of making things a million times more awkward than they need to be. I'm actually not sure what the point of this post is () but what you said struck a chord with me and I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Hang in there, and feel free to keep using the forums if you need help getting through it all

[jveronica]

@lokifishSorry, I had to change my account and couldn't get back to you sooner.

Thanks for the advice, I see a psychologist regularly and that really helps as she is really nice and also shares my faith in God :-) , did you see anyone for your anxiety?