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Coping with Death

My grandfather is about to die. He lives 17 hours away from me which makes it hard to get to him unless I’m flying. I don’t do well with death at all. My dad is flying up to be with him before he goes which means he might miss my graduation, which is only making this whole thing worse. I should be happy because I’m literally about to graduate high school but I just feel empty and confused. My dad wants me to fly up for the funeral but I don’t think I can handle that. I hate funerals. I don’t like other people crying which makes a funeral a bad place to be. I’m just really lost and I don’t know what to do.

koobdoob
koobdoobPosted 16-10-2024 04:58 PM

Comments

 
Lapis_Anteater
Lapis_AnteaterPosted 16-10-2024 06:46 PM

Hey @koobdoob

 

Sounds like a really tough situation to be in. It’s understandable to feel conflicted when you’re supposed to be happy, but circumstances make it impossible. There is no right way to feel or to deal with things. You’re allowed to do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Your grandfather knows how you feel about him even if you can’t attend the funeral. Funerals really aren’t for the person who died, they’re for the people left behind. If it’s unhelpful for you to go, you don’t have to. Celebrate his life in a way that’s meaningful to you. Grief is definitely challenging. Is there anyone you can talk to about how your feeling? Sometimes having someone listen can make a world of difference.

 
 
koobdoob
koobdoobPosted 16-10-2024 07:06 PM

Thank you for this. I do have people I can talk to which is good. What really throws me is the fact that I can go to the funeral, I just don't want to. And I feel horrible for it but I genuinely don't think I could do it. I don't know what kind of person that makes me because I genuinely do care about my grandfather. It's just internal conflict at this point.

 
 
 
Lapis_Anteater
Lapis_AnteaterPosted 16-10-2024 07:58 PM

Hey @koobdoob

 

I’m glad you have people. Being physically able to go to a funeral and being mentally able to are separate things. It’s okay that they don’t align. It doesn’t make you a bad person. If you think you’ll regret not going, then that’s always something to consider. There are also so many other ways to show that you care about your grandfather and a lot of them are going to be more personal than showing up to his funeral. It’s a really difficult decision to make. Be kind to yourself.  

 
LittlePisces
LittlePiscesPosted 16-10-2024 05:59 PM

Hi @koobdoob

 

Thank you so much for reaching out during this difficult time in your life. I am so sorry to hear that you are anticipating the loss of a loved one. I hear that you are struggling with discomfort surrounding the idea of loss, I am wondering if you have anyone in your life to support you through this time? I can sense that this is all weighing heavily on your heart and you are unable to navigate these complex and overwhelming feelings. 

 

I would also like to congratulate you and wish you all the best for your graduation 🤗 

 

How have you been managing these feelings? The community is here to support you 💜

Looking forward to hearing from you. 

 
 
koobdoob
koobdoobPosted 16-10-2024 06:22 PM

I really appreciate this. I have my family but they’re just as bad as I am with this sort of stuff. It all just kind of happened this afternoon so it’s hit very shockingly. Might try some of the school wellbeing services to see if that helps. Thank you for responding, your words mean a lot ❤️

 
 
 
LittlePisces
LittlePiscesPosted 16-10-2024 08:45 PM

You are most welcome. I hear that this news has shocked your family and no one is managing it well. I also see that you are experiencing some internal conflict regarding attending the funeral. I encourage you to openly discuss these feelings with your family to hopefully gain some clarity on this difficult decision 💜

 

I see that you are willing to try speaking to someone at school, that is an amazing first step in your healing journery. I am also wondering what you are doing at the moment to manage these heavy feelings? 

 

Looking forward to hearing from you 🤗

 
 
 
 
koobdoob
koobdoobPosted 16-10-2024 08:50 PM

at the moment i've just been pretending it's not happening, acting like everything's fine because i don't know or like anything different. reaching out via this forum is how i'm managing most honestly, just getting it all off my chest.

 
 
 
 
 
LittlePisces
LittlePiscesPosted 16-10-2024 08:59 PM

I understand, this news is incredibly confronting for you. Thank you again for feeling safe enough to share your feelings here, I commend your vulnerability. Please feel free to express yourself as you process this shock, I also ask you to be gentle with yourself during this time. I am here to listen and support you 🤗

 
 
 
 
 
koobdoob
koobdoobPosted 16-10-2024 09:07 PM

i really appreciate this. thank you.

 
 
 
Ripple_RO
Ripple_ROPosted 16-10-2024 06:40 PM

Hi @koobdoob 

 

Welcome to our forums and thank you for sharing this very difficult experience with us. I’m so very sorry to hear about your grandfather, it sounds like you’re going through some really heavy feelings right now which is absolutely understandable when dealing with death and loss. I can hear you’re feeling empty and confused while trying to juggle your feelings about graduation, your grandfather dying and potentially attending the funeral. Sometimes, when we have something that we think should make us happy, like graduation, and at the same time need to hold space for something that makes us feel sadness and grief, it can make us feel overwhelmed, scared and confused. Funerals can bring up lots of feelings, sometimes even closure, and it’s understandable if it feels like it’s too much. 

 

I wonder if you’ve been able to look after yourself and talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling while you’re going through this difficult time? If you are considering attending the funeral, it might be helpful to know that you have someone who is able to support you while you’re there.

 

Reiterating what @LittlePisces already mentioned, I encourage you to keep connected with the community, you don’t have to go through this alone. If you’d like, you can also connect with a peer worker for some 1:1 support with PeerChat. I’ve also included some links for further support here Headspace, and KidsHelpline

 

There will be an email from us coming your way so keep an eye out for it. Be gentle with yourself and I hope to hear from you again soon.

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